Writing Dreams, Aspirations and Goals

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When I first signed up for Helium, the intention was to generate another source of income through writing.  Unfortunately, it soon became evident that I was not going to make much of an income out of writing on Helium unless I had hundreds of articles on the site.  In short, I got lazy, I hardly wrote any articles and two years later I only have 19 articles to show for myself.

Recently, I started a project to increase the number of articles I have on Helium to determine just how effective Helium is for generating an income.  Unfortunately, I didn’t get very far with it.  My plan to write more articles was set in motion over a month ago and, to date, I’ve only added eight new articles.  To further the disappointment, none of the articles I’ve added has earned even one cent.

It seemed almost like a purposeless exercise until I edited an article for resubmission and discovered that my article went straight to the number one position.  Inspired, I wrote a few more articles in non-competing categories to add to my collection and eventually got brave enough to attempt the more challenging categories.

Another three more articles made it to number one – I’m talking number one out of twenty over articles, not number one out of one or even two (well, they were number one at the time I wrote this blog post).

• Tips for Avoiding Tantrums in Toddlers
• Breastfeeding Tips
• Breastfeeding is Best

The satisfaction of seeing my article at the top of the list has only fueled my desire to write more for Helium, irregardless of the financial rewards.  I guess my desire to write stems from more than just the desire to generate some extra pocket money.  There truly is some personal satisfaction derived from excelling in the craft above and beyond being paid for it.

Although I’ve always known this deep down inside from the fact that I would happily continue blogging with no financial rewards (for indeed that was initially what I did do when I started my first blog), the problem with blogging is that there is no way to gauge just how good your writing really is.

Sure, the number of loyal readers can be one way to measure the popularity of your blog, but blog readership is more a matter of successful marketing with quality writing being secondary.  Your blog could be one of the best blogs in terms of quality writing and you could still have very few readers if your blog marketing efforts are poor.  Similarly, a poorly written blog with useful content and excellent marketing could have a blog readership in the thousands.  Blog readership doesn’t really tell you how good you are as a writer.  It just tells you how interesting your writing content is and how well you market your blog.

The main benefit of writing on Helium is the ability to see how well your articles rate against other similar articles which offers some guide to how well you fare as a writer as opposed to being a marketer with interesting information to share.

Looks like my thoughts on needing to be more focussed on a specific writing style and topic are flawed.  I was making a plan to dominate the dentistry segment on Helium (since I am a dentist after all and most of the dentistry articles are easy to compete in because they have very few entries, sometimes only one), when I noticed a number of titles all written by the same author.

Curious, I clicked on one of her articles and found them to be very thorough and very reader friendly.  I noticed on one of her articles that she had a five star writer’s rating (and here I am patting myself on the back for having two stars!) and naturally assumed she must be a dentist or someone in the healthcare field at least.

When I clicked on her name, I was blown away by the fact that she held the pole position on quite a number of her articles.  The fact that she had pole position on numerous articles wasn’t the amazing part, it was the fact that her article was number one out of as many as 40 to 60 articles.  Not only that, but her articles were right across the board.  She didn’t just write about dentistry, or even health-related topics, but she had articles under home and garden, entertainment, food and drink, parenting and pregnancy – even politics!

Lesson learned – you can write about anything and be good at it as long as you’re interested in the topic and willing to do the research for it.

Once again, I find myself pondering whether I’ve got my fingers in too many pots.  I’ve been trying to make a name for myself as a blogger and a writer but I don’t think I’m succeeding at either.  Sure I have a few few blogs with some loyal readers and a few fairly decently written articles out there in the world wide web, but what am I beyond that?  Could it be that if I dropped a few of my many mini projects I might actually have achieved something notable by now?  And yet, why do I feel so reluctant to abandon any of my projects even though I clearly don’t have the time for all of them?

“A jack of all trades and the master of none” – that’s what happens when you try to be good at everything – you end up being mediocre at everything but never brilliant at anything.

Then again, I tell myself there is a long of linkage between what I’m doing. Between writing on Helium, on Hubpages, on my blogs and submitting my articles to article directories – they are all part of the process of achieving the goal of making a written presence on the internet.  If my aim is to be known as a writer, then wouldn’t it make more sense to have articles on as many sites as possible?  Wouldn’t that be better than being really well known only on one site?

Dilemmas, dilemmas…

And if that weren’t enough, I don’t even seem to be sure of what sort of writing or subject I want to be recognised for.  Do I want to be a fictional writer or a factual writer?

If it is fiction, then what sort of fiction?  Romance?  Science-Fiction?  Fantasy?  Crime?  Chic Lit?

If it is factual, what subject?  Parenting?  Sports?  Health?

Without a definite goal, it’s no wonder I don’t seem to be getting anywhere fast.  I am interested in all these topics but I don’t have the time to pursue them all.  And yet, I’m still struggling to decide which is the topic closest to my heart.

So how should I decide?  Does anyone have any ideas?

Well, well, well… another pleasant surprise dropped by my mailbox today…

After submitting a couple of articles to Ezine Articles for publication, I was delighted to discover that not only have they have been approved, I have also been given the title of “expert author“.  It looks I really was too hasty in judging the quality of my writing after all.

Although I have yet to get a proper assessment on my creative writing skills, I think as far as informative health and parenting articles goes, I might actually have something.  What a relief…

As much as I would really like to be an author of a best selling novel, I think I would still be happy just being recognised for my writing – regardless of the type and style.  Given the recent low I had been feeling towards my writing, it is nice to be able to revel in some achievements – no matter how small.

Let’s hope there will be more to come.  It inspires me to write more.

I wandered over to Helium today and discovered – to my pleasant surprise – that my writing score has jumped from 80% to 90%.  Looks like all my lamenting about being a talentless writer might have been a tad premature after all…

What happened?  Well, sometime back I rewrote my article on “Sleep Apnoea” for resubmission.  It was quickly rejected but I hadn’t realised that the time that the reason for rejection was because of poor formatting.  I hadn’t previewed the article to see how it would appear once it was published.

That’s the problem when you cut and paste your articles.  For some strange reason, there is always some strange “unseen” codes added to the article that don’t appear when you initially paste the article into the writing box but they show up after you’ve published the article.

Anyway, after correcting the formatting and resubmitting the article again, it shot up to the top of the list and is currently in pole position *pats self on the back*.  That change is also likely the cause for bumping up my writing score.

It still isn’t a star for creative writing, but it is a step in the right direction.  I guess it is a little too soon to trade in my keyboard and give up professional writing altogether…

On the flip side, however, my score on Hubpages is dropping again.  I think there is something to be said about publishing articles on a regular basis.  When I am consistently active on Hubpages, my score remains above 80 and has even broken the barrier into the 90s – given that I am writing useful articles, that is.

Looks like we’re back to square – there is no substitute for writing if you want to get better at it.

When  I was a teenager, I had this habit of moving the furniture in my room around whenever I felt lacking in inspiration.  I’m not exactly sure what it did, but perhaps it changed the ambience of my room to make it more conducive for creative flow.

From the really Asian perspective, you could say I was altering the Feng Shui of my room for better energy flow – not that I knew anything about Feng Shui or even how specific changes in the furniture might affect energy flow.

Whatever it did, the effect seemed to produce the desired end result – which was a more industrious me.  I found myself able to study better, work harder, etc.

Since that tactic worked so well for me when I was younger, I thought I would do something different to the layout of this blog to inspire me to write more often and hopefully better.

After working on it for the bulk of an evening, this is what I’ve come up with.  Now let’s hope I didn’t waste my evening.

I’ve wanted to be a writer since I was a teenager.  The kind of writing I loved best was creating writing.  It was my favourite part of English. I’ve always thought I write well – decently, at least.  However, lately, I am beginning to question whether my creative writing is really all that.

Sometimes I can have the most wonderful ideas for stories and they play through my mind like a TV screen, but when it comes to recording them down on paper, or on the computer, they seem flat and severely lacking.  It is said that we are probably the most avid readers of our own writing.  Well, if that is true, then my writing is dead, because even I am not sure I would want to read it.

They say that if you want to get good at something – practice, practice, practice!  But I struggle with that notion because I never like what I write.  When I don’t like what I write, I get discouraged from writing more.

I’ve thought of taking a writing course.  It sounds like a logical plan.  I want to write professionally so what better way to improve your writing than to get a professional to give you some pointers?

Currently two reasons hold me back:

1. Lack of follow through.  Even I will admit that I have an issue with this.  Given the fact that I’m pregnant with an older child that hasn’t started going to school yet, I know I’ll have even less time to pursue this even if I had more dedication than what I currently feel.

2. Fear.  What do I fear?  That I will be told the undeniable truth that I am terrible at writing.

And yet, when I ponder over the latter, I can’t help but wonder if I could really be that bad.  I have written articles that rate well on Helium.  Although most of my articles on Helium aren’t in very competitive titles, I do think 3 out of 42 on corporal punishment and 2 out of 46 on oral hygiene is noteworthy, isn’t it?

Admittedly oral hygiene is a subject of my element since I did study dentistry and neither of these two articles are in any way creative.  Although Helium has a creative writing segment, I’m afraid I haven’t written anything specifically for it.  Why?  I’m afraid of finding my article at the bottom of the heap.

However, if you don’t look for criticisms, how will you ever get better?  Surely the more critiques you get for your work the better you will eventually get, no?  Not that Helium is the best place to get critiqued since all you find out is how well your writing rates against other writers, but not specifically what you can do to improve it.

I return to the point at which I started.  I can accept defeat without even trying and admit I’m a lousy fictional writer, I can continue writing blindly with the hope of stumbling across the right formula on my own, or I can take a writing course and start shooting at a target instead of at nothing in particular.  So which is it to be?

A convoy of cars drive back towards Melbourne late Sunday afternoon after two days of great climbing.  The cars contain a number of very satisfied climbers who can now put to rest several climbing projects – myself included.  Behind the wheel, I hum absently to myself as I reflect over the events of the past two days.

“You’re looking like the cat that got the cream,” Jon smiles, interrupting my reverie.

Jon’s car was in the workshop so he had tagged a ride down to Arapiles on Friday night.  He had asked to follow me back since he lives only a few blocks away from me.

I grin back at him.  “That project’s been in my head for weeks.  Now I can concentrate on something else.”

“Another climbing project or a man project?” Jon teases.  His voice is light, but when I turn to look at him he has a strange look in his eyes.

“A work project, actually,” I reply.  “I haven’t been on the ball at work lately and I think it’s showing.  My boss has brought me up on it twice already.”

I frown as I remember the conversation I had with my boss on Friday afternoon.  Performing well at work has always been something that comes easily to me.  No matter how hard I work – or didn’t work – everything would just fall into place.  To be summoned before my boss for a discussion about my poor performance was like having cold water thrown at my face.  My career is the most important thing in my life – nothing else matters but getting to the top of the corporate ladder.  Well, climbing is important but it doesn’t exactly pay the bills.

Suddenly I feel a little dizzy.  I pull away from the convoy and stop by the side of the road.

“Are you okay?” Jon looks very concerned.  “You’re looking very pale.”

“I think I’m going to throw up.”

I open the car down and stumble out.  For a while, all I can do is sit on the pavement curled up into a little ball.

Jon hands me a bottle of water and starts to rub my back.  It feels good.  I take small sips of water and start to feel more human again.  The nausea fades into the background.

“Maybe I should drive,” Jon suggests.

I nod in agreement and slowly get back into the passenger side of the car while Jon gets behind the wheel.

“Do you want me to take you to a doctor?” Jon asks.  He is still very worried.

“No, no.  I’m sure it’ll pass.  I think I just need to close my eyes for a while.”

I close my eyes and drift off so quickly that I don’t even hear Jon’s reply.

They say that people who work in creative fields tend to work best under pressure.  Even when given a long deadline, they will almost always wait until the last minute before they start work.  Do you think that’s true?

In some ways I do.  I’ve noticed that the times when I have a lot of time under my sleeve to write, I have this habit of procrastinating.  I’ll check my emails, I’ll surf the internet, tinker around on facebook or whatever but I definitely will not be writing.

On the other hand, when I have a lot to get done in a very limited time, I find myself more efficient than ever.  The ideas come faster, I type faster and there’s no such thing as “writer’s block”.  I wonder why that is?

So does that mean I can never get anything done unless there is a deadline to it?  Then again, self-imposed deadlines don’t really work either because you know nothing will happen if you don’t finish the work.  How then does a novel writer complete a book?

Is that why I have yet to finish writing the manuscript to a book even after all this time?  How does a writer get around this problem? I’m sure I can’t be the only one.

Incidentally,  I’ve run out of ideas of topics to write about on Hubpages and have hit status quo again…  tsk tsk tsk…  There goes my ratings.  Sigh.

This is a story that I have been writing since I was a teenager.  Although the characters generally remain the same, the storyline keeps changing.  It’s almost as if I’m not sure which direction I want it to take.  Anyway, this was just an idea that sprung to mind recently.  I don’t know if I’ll keep it, but let’s see how it pans out first.

Gareth thundered through the jungle with a small bundled cuddled securely to his chest in one arm and swinging his axe viciously at the thick undergrowth to cut a passage before him.  He could hear his pursuers dismounting from their horses to continue the chase on foot.  This part of the jungle was too thick to travel on horseback but with the trail he was leaving behind him, it would not be difficult for his pursuers to follow his trail.

There was a throbbing pain that began in his back and radiated to his chest.  Each gasp for air sent renewed pain shooting through his body.  He wanted to stop to rest but he knew he could not.  He had to deliver it safely.  He knew the house was nearby.  If he could just reach it before his pursuers caught up with him, they would be safe.

An arrow hit the tree beside him and he immediately picked up his pace.  He was moving as fast as he could, but his legs felt like lead.  Finally, he broke through the jungle into a clearing with a cottage in the middle of it.  He ran, half stumbling towards the house while a shower of arrows rained around him.

When he reached the house, Gareth collapsed before the front door.  He banged the door with the blunt end of his axe, calling weakly, “Nicodemus!”

Gareth’s pursuers had magically disappeared.  The arrows had stopped flying and the sounds behind him faded to nothingness.  He wanted to look behind him, but he no longer had the strength.

The door opened and before him stood a beautiful woman with golden hair.  Gareth thought he was dreaming because he thought he could see a white aura surrounding the woman.  Was she an angel coming to take him?

“Nicodemus…” he said, weakly.

She looked benignly at him and seemed to glow even brighter.  “I am Ysaras, his wife.”  Her eyes clouded with concern.  “You are gravely injured.”  Her gentle hands passed over his wounds and he felt the pain disappearing.  “I’m sorry,” she whispered.  “I can only ease your pain but I cannot heal you.”

Gareth held out the little bundle he had been protecting just as a tall thin man in grey robes appeared behind Ysaras.

“Nicodemus,” said Gareth.  “We failed.”

Gareth held out the bundle to Nicodemus and the baby began to cry.  Ysaras quickly took the bundle from Gareth before his arms went limp.