The Household COO

What can I say?  I love castles.  I always did think it would be nice to visit France, too.  This one’s from the Loire Valley:

Someday soon…

I’ve always wanted to visit Maldives…  Would you just look at the sea?  It doesn’t get any more aqua than that…

Just perfect.

Recently, I started listening to some audio recordings by a person called Wayne Dyer.  The audio recordings were produced by Nightingale-Conant - famous for many of their self-help CDs.  It sounded a lot to me like he was also talking about The Secret, The Law of Attraction, or whatever term you want to call it.  Wayne Dyer, however, refers to it as manifesting whatever you desire into your life.  According to Wayne Dyer, there are nine principles we must practice in order to be able to manifest whatever we desire into our lives.

Two of the principles he refers to, which I find myself relating to as far as my past successes in manifesting that which I desire into my life are: 1. being infinitely patient; and 2. trusting in the Universe to deliver it to you.  In my life, I found that when I was finally able to relax, suddenly that which I wanted came most easily.  When I was no longer impatient to get it and when I least expected it to happen in my life, it came.

So, although I know what I desire in my life, I’m going to put it on the back shelf and just enjoy my life and let it happen when it is ready to take place.  Help me develop infinite patience and trust in the Universe.

It appears I haven’t been concentrating hard enough on building a stronger relationship with my MIL.  We had a huge showdown this morning after my MIL finally lost it.  Honestly, I’m still not sure what happened and or even why it happened even though she spent a good half an hour lecturing me about not considering her and always telling her how “I want this” or “I want that”.  I seem to get the impression she thinks I’m rather selfish. 

To be quite frank, I haven’t the foggiest notion what she’s talking about I can’t remember asking her for things I wanted except to tell her this morning that perhaps we should stop pretending to threaten the dog with a stick for the amusement of the baby.  My concern is that when Gavin is walking and running, he will think it is perfectly fine to smack a dog on the street and he’s going to end up getting mauled for it.  I have also told the hubby not to do it - it was the hubby who started the habit first because he discovered that Gavin was extremely tickled by it.  While it’s all great to make the baby laugh, I’m sure there are plenty of other ways to achieve the same end.

My MIL seemed to be rather upset after that, except I didn’t know about it until she and my hubby started yelling at each other in Hokkien.  Thinking it was something completely unrelated to me, I took the baby upstairs to avoid him getting caught in the crossfire.  Next thing I know, the hubby yells for me to come downstairs and for me to talk with my MIL, except that it was more like she talked and I listened.  She was very upset and she was yelling at the top of her voice about a lot of things that confused me.  Even now I can’t seem to figure out what it was all about.  The gist of what I understood was that she was very mad and it was somehow connected to me.  Since she said she just wanted to get it all off her chest and didn’t want to discuss it any more, I haven’t been able to ask her exactly what she meant.

In all honesty, I feel wrongfully accused.  Or perhaps I have just understood something different from what she meant?  It often seems that way with my in laws.  After my MIL left, my FIL started up and he was even more confusing than my MIL.  He said we should say what we feel and not keep it inside.  Then he said he ignored a lot of things that he wasn’t happy about - which is what I have been doing.  It is in my nature to keep the peace whenever possible so I tend to ignore a lot of things that bug me so long as I feel I can ignore it.  What I am confused about now is whether I am supposed to say what I feel or keep silent about it. 

The one and only other time when I spoke my mind to my in laws was to ask my FIL if he could try to quit smoking.  I’m afraid that one went down really badly.  The hubby had made a promise to me that both he and my FIL would quit smoking if I agreed to move in with my in laws.  At the time, the hubby managed to quit (although he has since gone back on his word and sneaked a few every so often - yes, I know about it and I’m trying to do what I once heard a father advise his son about marriage during his wedding speech and that is when you get married, close both eyes), but my FIL did not.  I reminded the hubby of his promise and he suggested I talk to my FIL which I did.  In retrospect, it was a stupid move on my part.  In retrospect it was also wrong for me to ask him to make a promise on his father’s behalf and it was equally wrong for him to make that promise.

I digress… back to today - or rather, yesterday.  My FIL’s lecture continued on in the vein that I needed to learn to understand their way and the impression I got was that he felt I needed to learn my manners in the way I spoke to them.  He told me I can’t say things and then try to take it back before I didn’t think about what I said before saying it.  I guess it comes as a shock to me that I have been thought of as inconsiderate, rude and selfish.  To be lectured about diplomacy is also a first because I have always prided myself in being the diplomat - at least, I was always pretty good at it when I was working (if I may be so bold as to toot my own horn). 

If I appear to them uncouth and unrefined, I guess the same could be said about my point of view of them.  If there was anything I have done wrong, perhaps I should have asked my MIL what had been upsetting her over the last few days.  Thinking she would prefer to be like me - left alone when in a thundery mood - I gave her a wide berth.  Indeed it is true what my FIL has said - I have been educated in the Western world and too far removed from Eastern traditions.  However, there was one Eastern tradition I learned well from my parents - that is to respect the elders even if I think they are wrong.  I did so until the day I could take it no more and yes, I admit it, I walked out on my parents - which was an extremely scandalous thing to do but I was at breaking point.

I felt unjustly accused this morning and I honestly wanted to continue fighting.  I felt I had made an enormous mistake to think I could fit in with a family so vastly different to mine.  It seemed to me that their daughter, who had spent much of her life in Australia, was testimony of that fact because she, too, was reluctant to return home to live under their roof for longer than the holiday breaks she took.  I thought of the hundred and one different reasons why I should have walked out.  Then I thought perhaps we should move out, or perhaps I should move out.  I know a lot of my modern-thinking friends would have shared the same thoughts and agreed that a stronger person would have packed up and left a long time ago. 

Even though my instincts were to walk out, I remembered, I have a son now.  I thought back to the Wayne Dyer CDs I had been listening to recently and what Dyer had said about soul mates.  Contrary to popular belief, your soul mate isn’t the person you feel is most like you.  Your soul mate is the person who can push all your buttons and turn you into a ranting lunatic and a person who is truly in control is a person who can live with their soul mate and not be affected when their buttons are tested.  If yesterday morning was anything to go by, then I supposed I have not only found my soul mate but my soul family.

To walk away would have been easy.  Too easy.  To stay and work things through is the real challenge.  And if I am the person I believe myself to be, then that person is the one that sticks around to tackle the challenges.  Walking away is running away. 

If there was one true note that rang out of the confusing jumble of words from my MIL, it is that I have been cool and aloof.  I have been difficult to get to know.  I have kept my distance to keep the peace, following my preferred instincts to be the solitary person.  But I am no longer a solitary person.  I’m married.  I have a son.  I have a new family.  Since my SIL has been back, I have looked at the ease with which my MIL talks to her own daughter and wondered why she treats me differently when I am now supposed to be one of her daughters.  But I know if I am truly honest with myself, I have not allowed her to be close to me because I am more like my own mother than I have ever wanted to be like - cold, aloof and distant.

My cousin once said that MILs and DILs are destined never to get a long and that those who do are lying to the rest of the world.  When I heard that, I felt sad.  I guess it is like that perennial question: “Can a man and a woman be just friends?”  Except that this would be: “Can a MIL and DIL really get along with no underlying currents?”  I would like to think we can.  And if I were to look at things positively, then the fact that my MIL has finally been able to get mad at me is a step in the right direction.

So this is my intention hence forth - to really get to know my MIL and work towards building a better and stronger relationship.

Another sight I am planning to visit:

This is the fountain at the Piazza del Popolo in Rome, Italy.