The Household COO

Some time back when I was helping my MIL prepare some of the worship items for Charlie’s grandmother’s death anniversary, my MIL was telling me about some relative’s experience with their dead daughter’s spirit.  We were folding up the shiny bits of paper into shapes that resemble gold ingots from the olden days of Chinese history.  During the worship session, the paper gold ingots are burned as a means of transferring them to the spirit world so that the dead have money to buy the things they need.  You can also burn other things, like paper clothes, paper shoes and paper cars so that the dead have clothes to wear and a car to get around the afterlife in. 

My MIL was telling me that nowadays you could even buy paper bras to burn for the dead if you wanted to and they even come in different sizes!  She remarked that she thought this was a bit much and I naturally agreed.  Even burning the paper seemed a bit silly to me, although I got into the swing of pyromania pretty easily because I’ve always found it interesting to see flames and burning paper. 

Perhaps my MIL felt bad for ridiculing the beliefs of her religion, but she proceeded to tell me a story about some relatives.  This ceremony of burning things for the dead can only be performed by the live children in honour of their dead parents.  In the event where a child’s demise preceeds the parents, the parents are not allowed to burn things for their child’s use in the afterlife.  In the case of our relatives, the daughter passed away before the parents.  Being unable to burn things for her, my MIL said the dead daughter’s spirit returned to tell her parents that she was suffering in the afterlife because she had no money to buy food or clothes.  Since the parents can’t do the offerings, her sibblings had to burn the paper money and clothes for her.

As my MIL related that story to me, I merely nodded acceptingly, deciding that it was not worth the argument to dispute what our relatives experienced.  The whole time I listened, though, I was extremely skeptical.  I realise that this is the stance I switch into whenever I hear stories about spirits in this world.  It probably seems odd that I am a Christian, though more and more, I fear that there is a part of me that believes that nothing happens after we die.  We merely cease to exist.

Despite hearing from time to time about people who are more “sensitive” to spirits in our world, never having had a personal experience of my own to relate to, I can’t help the skepticism with which I view the subject.  Although I listen accommodatingly and I never openly dispute the experiences of others, the scientist in me finds logical explainations of what really happened.

It has also occured to me that perhaps I don’t want to believe because I fear such things.  The idea that spirits move around with us isn’t a particularly pleasant one in my book, even if they are friendly ones.

Even though I think it would be nice to have something to go to after we die, I question whether such a place exists to accommodate the growing number of souls that travel there.  I mean, even on Earth, our growing population is sapping the resources of our world.  Surely the afterlife (if it even exists) would have long since exhausted their resources with the never ending influx of souls when no souls leave?

Today is Cheng Beng.  It’s the Chinese equivalent to “All Souls’ Day” - not that I’ve ever practiced All Souls’ Day or even know how it works, but I gather the gist of it all is that it is a day to visit the graveyard and pay our respects to the dead.  Except in the “Cheng Beng” sense, they pray to the dead and make food offerings - which, according to Christianity, is bad, since the only deity you should pray to or worship is God. 

Although I cringe whenever my MIL talks about praying to the dead, a recent conversation with her has made me realise that she cringes at how little I know such things.  That I could be so educated - with a tertiary degree - and ignorant - regarding matters to do with ancient Chinese cultures - at the same time.  I guess it has been a cultural shock to the both of us.

When I told her how my family had never practiced Cheng Beng or even anything at all similar to All Souls’ Day, the look on her face would have been equivalent to the look I might have received from a fellow Christian whom I had told that I worshipped the devil.  In other words, I am sure I am her equivalent of a heathen.  In spite of all our apparent differences, we are perhaps not so unalike after all…

Sometime in May this year was a deity’s birthday. I’m thinking its probably the goddess of mercy since that is the goddess that my MIL worships. I’d tell you more but I don’t think even the hubby knew whose birthday we were celebrating. We held a birthday celebration at the factory with the usual theme of food offerings, burning of shiny paper, and lighting of firecrackers.

I’ve always thought of firecrackers as a means to scare away evil spirits - at least that’s what it means during Chinese New Year. During this case, I’m wondering if it’s meant to be something akin to a fanfare because I’m not sure why a goddess would need to scare away evil spirits on her birthday.

The pictures are probably starting to look fairly repetitive because it’s usually based around the same themes. All I can say is that it’s a lot of work preparing for each of these events. My MIL will be in the kitchen for at least two whole days before the day cooking up a storm. As the daughter in law, I’m supposed to help out but mostly I end up observing because I haven’t a clue how to make any of this stuff. Occasionally, if I’m deemed worthy, I might get to roll out the dough…

Although it’s never been officially requested, I sort of get the impression I’m supposed to carry on this tradition after my MIL is no longer able to perform them. I presume that’s why I’m required to observe these rituals even though I don’t take any part of it. I’ve also caught a couple of subtle hints from my MIL during her cooking storms when she’s said, “Of course you can buy the food, but I prefer to make them because I enjoy the cooking.”

I suppose you could say that this statement is open to interpretation because she might mean that some people buy the food instead of spending the time in the kitchen preparing it. Alternatively, it could mean that in future, I could choose to buy the food instead of preparing it myself. Whatever the case, I’m not sure I’m at all comfortable about the idea of having to take on the responsibilities of conducting rituals of a religion I don’t believe in. I feel at times I’ve already overstepped my boundaries by being a party to them.