Occasionally, just occasionally, I still think about the other paths I might have taken in life - the solitary roads that might have led me to a different world from the one that I exist in currently. People talk about not having regrets and honestly, I don’t have any. I only have to think of the little one inside my belly to bring me back to the path that I am on and I don’t regret for a minute being who I am and where I am.
What I refer to on those “occasions” of wondering is just an expression of my innate curiousity about how life might have been had I followed a different path. It is merely a reflection of my childhood habits when I would read those “Choose Your Own Adventure” books until I had followed every adventure to its end. Sometimes, when I find myself in a large park or garden, I would take every trail just to see where it led to. When I am at a buffet or an ice cream parlour, the same goes with all the different flavours - I never wanted to leave without having tasted as many varieties as I could.
It was more a desire to experience as much of life as I could in my short existence on this beautiful planet rather than a fear of loss of what I might be missing out. Hence when I reflect, it is not a reflection of regret, because the path I am on is just exciting. It is one that I wouldn’t want to miss for the world. I’ve come to a point in life where it is no longer possible to follow every adventure to its end, but that doesn’t mean that the adventure has ended. On the contrary, it seems there are now even more adventures to embark on - far too many than any one person could ever experience in one lifetime.
Perhaps the acceptance of this fact lessens the moments of reflections. My “occasions” are now usually limited to the times when I encounter another who holds the same aspirations I once had in my past. Whilst I don’t feel regret having taken the path that I have, I feel a sense of bonding and understanding for those individuals. I can identify with their anguish of being denied the chance to pursue their dreams.
For me, I was given a choice and I chose this path. For them, they are deterred from the paths they might have preferred. This I fear will only create resentment and regret because they were stripped of the autonomy of choice.
In discovering this understanding inside of me, I have come to realise that both the hubby and I live with very differing schools of thought. As different as we are, we have managed to find some middle ground that we can both walk upon in harmony. What I forsee is that our differences may arise yet again when our children are grown and it is time for them to chart their own course.
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