We departed my house and arrived at the groom’s house in timely fashion.
Ordinarily there is a recommended window for the time of arrival that is deemed to be most auspicious. Since the day that we had chosen for our wedding was such an excellent, there were apparently no prerequisite times to meet.
The only thing dictating our arrival was a little boy who is supposed to open the car door for me upon my arrival at the house. There was also another requirement whereby the bridal car is not allowed to be the first car to arrive at the scene. I don’t know why this is so.
Just before our arrival, someone notifies the house to inform them to light the firecrackers. These are the same sort that are used during Chinese New Year. During Chinese New Year, it is to ward off bad spirits (I think). Perhaps for a wedding, it is employed for the same reason. Alternatively, it could simply be an announcement of sorts.
When I arrived at the house, the little boy opened my car door. I handed him a red packet for his service and the groom escorted into the house. As we cross the threshold, I had to make sure I stepped over the sliding door tracks with my left foot first. Yet again, I do not know the significance of this.
I was greeted by my new parents who were not allowed to leave the house to meet us as our car arrived.
I’m not sure if I mentioned before, but as I arrive at the house of my in laws, I am required to wear the jewellery that my mother-in-law had given during the Koh Tai Lei ceremony. The value of the jewellery expresses my mother-in-laws affection for me. Additionally, it signifies the wealth that I will bring to the family as I become a part of it. Thus, it is common for the jewellery to be in yellow gold, because yellow gold signifies wealth in Chinese.
The Chinese ceremony of the wedding was signified by the events that took place at the house of my in laws. The first part of the ceremony required us to pay our respects to the ancestors and the deities. An altar for the deities was set up in the front yard. We had to bow three times before the altar before Charlie and I took turns pouring tea into five little tea cups.
Next, we proceeded into the house to repeat the process for the regular altar inside. Again, we performed the three bows followed by the tea pouring into three cups on top of the altar and three cups below the altar.
The usual process is that three jost sticks are lit and placed into the couldron for the deity, whilst ancestors only require one lit jost stick.
While the preparations of the tea ceremony were under way, the groom led me up to the bridal chamber for another ceremony of sorts. We were accompanied by some of our guests as well as the Tai Kum Ce and the little boy who opened my car door.
A lot of the dialogue (which was mostly the voice of the Tai Kum Ce) took place in Cantonese, so I can’t provide an accurate translation of what was said since I didn’t even know what was going on half the time. As far as I understood, most of the things that were said were poetic expressions about the two of us having all the requirements of a happy Chinese family. In other words, lots of children, wealth and happiness.
If you recall reading my earlier post, you might remember I had to purchase a potty and place two oranges and a red packet inside. The purpose of that potty was in play. Under the guidance of the Tai Kum Ce, the little boy punctured the seal and was given the red packet. He was then expected to pee into the potty.
Rather shyly, he refused.
“But you’ve taken the red packet, so you have to wee wee into the potty,” said the Tai Kum Ce in Cantonese.
Very quickly, he threw the red packet back into the potty in a display to express that he would not be so easily beguiled into such an embarassing act in the presence of so many. Money or money, you couldn’t pay him enough to drop his dax for the prying eyes of this large audience.
After some group photos, we returned downstairs for the tea ceremony. It was a rather formal affair (something to compare against the tea ceremony we had with my family).
The tea was served in the set that I have brought over to the house. The chairs were set so that the chair on the right hand side (if you are facing the chairs) is located slightly in front of the chair on the left. The general rule is that chair on the right is meant for the male and the chair on the left for the female. There were some exceptions to this rule, such as when a female represents a deceased male, or if she is unmarried, then she will take the right chair.
Tea is first served to the parents of the groom. Kneeling during the process of tea ceremony is a sign of great respect, so that was what we did when serving tea to his parents. The groom serves tea to his father first. He hands the tea with a bow and says in dialect, “Dad, please drink.” The bride then repeats what the groom has done. The same order of events is observed when the tea is served to the groom’s mother.
After the tea is served, the parents will give either jewellery or a red packet containing money. The jewellery will be worn by the bride immediately.
The Tai Kum Ce then launches into more poetic expressions as she guides the mother to love her son and her new daughter. The part I understood loud and clear was when she placed her hands upon my belly. This was so that I may quickly bear her plenty of grandchildren.
If the paternal grandparents are still alive, then they are the next to receive tea from the couple. Since there were none surviving, tea is then served to the paternal relatives in the order of age. After all paternal relatives from the older generation have received tea, the couple then serves tea to all immediate relatives and first cousins who are senior to the groom.
When that is complete, immediate relatives younger than the groom receive an opportunity to serve tea to us. In this case, both of the groom’s sisters took turns to serve us tea, while we gave them red packets in return.
The whole process is repeated with the groom’s maternal relatives in order of age. The final stage is for all unmarried relatives and guests to shake hands with the bride and groom and receive red packets from them.
Since the groom’s extensive, extended family was present in semi full force, this whole process took a very long time. The poor Tai Kum Ce was tearing by the end of it from having to stand in such close presence to the incense that had been burning at the altar.
Food was then served to the guests. At this point, the bride is apparently not allowed out of the house. I do not know for what reasons. Since everyone was outside, I disobeyed the direct order and left the house to greet them. This was my party and I’d be damned if I was going to be cooped up indoors while everyone was having fun outside without me.
After lunch, we took a series of group portraits before adjourning to the hotel for the next stage of events.
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