The Household COO

The groom arrived promptly at 9am and my cousin, D, performed the task of opening the car door for him – simple enough just to get a red packet… My motley band stood guard at the front door while I waited upstairs in my room with the door ajar so I could listen to the commotion below.

The first task was for him to sign the contract. I heard my groom reciting the contract in his articulate courtroom voice interjected a tittering of laughter from his audience.

After he signed the first time, CS brought the contract up to me for my confirmation of his signature. In the place of his signature was the face of a pig. I promptly rejected the contract and it was brought down for a second signing.

Through the open door, I heard Simian Boy comment in his usual comical nature, “Signature lah, not photograph!”

The next task was to consume the habanera crackers and bittergourd juice. The rims of the glasses containing the juice had been smeared with habaneras. To express their loyalty to the groom, the heng tais had the pleasant or unpleasant task (depending on who they were) of consuming the crackers and the juice. I heard later that Holdbreaker went back for seconds, while Banion threw his in the drain after the first bite.

The third task was the pole dance, however, we only had a broom for the groom to use and that bore very negative connotations in the realm of Chinese superstitions. In the end, the groom and his two bear-like friends, his best man and T, performed a bear dance for my viewing pleasure.

The fourth and final task was for the groom to negotiate his way my room. Holed up with me were Mr Paparazzi, my sorority sister, Miss Independent, Moo Moo Girl and the Law Maker. Some cunning arrangements of having a five month pregnant lady and the wife of one of the heng tais behind the door ensured we received chivalrous behaviour from gentlemen rather than the boorish conduct of barbarians.

The usual groom’s ploys of attempting to trick us into believing that we were out of time fell on my deaf ears for I knew that if it was a waiting game we were going to play, I would arise the winner.

On the wedding day, there is usually a nominated time that the couple must arrive at the groom’s house in order for the flow of good fortune to be maintained. I was privy to two pieces of information that gave me the upper hand. Firstly, I knew that the date we had chosen was such an auspicious one that the time of arrival was immaterial for us. Secondly, even if the timing had been critical, the matter of good fortunes was a belief of the groom’s family, not mine, therefore the groom would have had to yield before I ever would.

Some skillful negotiations took place and a red packet with RM99.99 came back. To my limited understanding, the number 9 in Chinese means to live long.

When the fun and games were over, the Tai Kum Ce took over and instructed us on the next steps. We had to bow to each other three times and then the bouquet was handed over to me.

Ordinarily, the next task would be to serve tea to my family however, since my grandparents were elderly and traveling was difficult for them, we had postponed the tea ceremony for the bride’s family until just prior to the dinner at the hotel.

Before leaving the house, I had to put on my shoes and as I exited, I had to step over the threshold with my right foot first (or was it left?). My father had to ferry me to the car under a bright red umbrella to ward off the evil spirits. We took a spin around the block and then we were back to the house to pay our respects to my parents. This symbolizes the return of the bride after three days. At this point, we are also supposed to serve tea to my parents, but it was omitted because of the amendment to the order of events earlier.

C had made some cans to tie to the back of his car and we were off to his residence to serve tea to his family and for lunch.

Video of the morning events by Camwork Photo - compliments on a fine job to Jason Victor 012-3190252 - can be viewed at:

http://shenli.multiply.com/video/item/3

Professional photos are not ready at present, but the preliminary shots taken by Mr Paparazzi and JC, who took charge of my Dad’s SLR, can be viewed at:

http://shenli.multiply.com/photos/album/36

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