Also referred to as the “betrothal ceremony”, the “koh tai lei” involves having the groom’s party or representative visit the bride and her family bearing a dowry of gifts. It usually takes place about two weeks prior to the wedding ceremony on a date mutually agreed upon between both families.
From what I was able to gather through the jumble of discussions, this is what transpires during this meeting:
This is the day that the groom’s side provides the dowry that has been requested by the bride’s side. The dowry may be provided in the form of money, gifts, or a combination of the two. In the Hokkien tradition, the following items are sent to the bride’s family:
1. “Kai Looi Pang” (some kind of biscuits) - some of these biscuits will be returned to the groom’s side for the ancestral workship and the rest are for the bride to distribute to her relatives to signify her impending marriage.
2. A pair of live chickens - in this modern day, it is replaced with a red packet to signify the chickens.
3. Red cloth - for the bride to decorate her house on the day of the wedding ceremony.
4. A suckling pig - in reference to the bride’s purity; her family is then to remove the head, tail and trotters to return to the groom’s family to signify a good beginning and ending to the wedding ceremony.
5. Two bottles of liquour - not sure what these represent; the bride’s family is to return two similar bottles to the groom’s family.
6. A basket of fruits - ditto; the bride’s family is to return half the fruits back to the groom’s family.
7. Ling Chee, Pak Hup, Hoong Choi, Fatt Choy - ditto, although my in-laws have chosen to omit these items
8. Seafood (mushroom, scallops, jelly fish) - ditto
9. A set of jewellery which I am to wear to the house of my in-laws on the day of my wedding ceremony. It is suppose to signify that I will bring wealth to the family.
Since I am the younger sibbling who is getting married before my older brother, the groom is required to buy a pair of shoes for my brother to give him luck so that he might be able to get married soon after. Traditionally, in the olden days, the practice was for the bride to crawl between the legs of her older brother. The tradition was later modified so that a pair of the older brother’s pants would be hung up and the bride would have to walk under them.
In return, the bride’s family is supposed to return some of the items given to them - usually half of the items given. The bride’s parents are also required to buy the groom a pair of pants, a wallet and a belt. In the wallet, they are required to place $80. This is to wish him prosperity, as the number “8″ and the word “pants” signifies wealth, due to the similarity between the sounds of these words.
And that is what the “koh tai lei” is all about.
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