Pro-Sports

It was another one of those days when I felt out of form. These feelings were starting to become a habit…

As usual, I was climbing with C and though I started the session thinking I was going to take it easy, she soon goaded me into going for something more. I found myself agreeing that it was time I would put that black top-rope in the bag.

I made it past the first crux - just. I was almost certain that it felt easier most other times I had climbed that section but I slapped the thought away like a buzzing fly. As I rested before the second crux, I knew it was going to be difficult. Despite stopping to shake out the pump in my arms, I didn’t really feel any better so I pressed on.

My limbs felt heavy and it was a struggle to fight the burning sensation in my forearms. The usual thoughts of giving up were flashing across my eyes and I succumbed to the temptation and called for “tight”. When I came down later, C said she heard AN sigh so loudly from the ground level that I felt somewhat ashamed.

I feel like an old granny recounting tales of ages past every time I refer to an incident in my climbing past. AN was one of those inspirations who taught me a lot about climbing during my early days in the sport.

I still remember a time when I was projecting the second pitch of route called “Monsoon”. It was my first grade 6B on lead and I had just made it past the crux. I was tired and scared and all I could think about was bailing. Along came AN who was descending from a route he had climbed to my right and he asked me how I was.

“I wanna bail!” I wailed at the top of my voice.

“But you passed the crux!” He exclaimed.

“I’m scared,” I continued sobbing.

He stayed by me and coaxed me until I was ready to go on. It was AN who first introduced MT and I to the second pitch of “Monsoon”. Back then, I had not been able to make it up despite being on top rope. AN always had more confidence in me than I had in myself. It’s not unlike the faith C has in my abilities. He would correct me every time I claimed something was “impossible” for me to climb.

I supposed if it had not been AN’s nurturing at the start of my climbing career, I might never have climbed as far as I had done. That being said, I guess that’s why I’ve always been a little self-conscious when AN watches me climb. Under those watchful eyes, I once again become the student with a need to live up to her teacher’s expectations.

I am embarrassed that I have not achieved more than I have - like a star pupil who fell short of reaching the prize. I feel that the faith in me has been sadly misplaced because I quit before reaching the summit.

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