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Tandem Nursing – Reasons for Not Weaning the Toddler

January 26, 2010 by 3 Comments

Although there was a lot of protest when I said I was going to tandem breastfeed my two boys, it was pretty much accepted and I went on to nurse Gavin even after Gareth was born.  However, with Gavin’s declining behaviour in recent times, the discussion for me to wean Gavin has been revisited.

Here are some of the arguments why I should have weaned him:

  • If I had weaned him, he wouldn’t be so “sticky” to me right now
  • If I had weaned him, he wouldn’t be behaving so badly right now

Here are my thoughts on the matter:

Who’s to say that had I weaned him he wouldn’t be “sticky” to me right now?  And who’s to say that weaning him would have had any effect on his current behaviour.  For all we know, he could be even worse than he is right now.  And if I had weaned him, he may have felt even more jealous of his brother’s nursing time.  My friend who did not breastfeed her daughter also found her daughter to become more demanding and more “sticky” after she had her second child.  Her daughter also displayed all the classical signs of sibling rivalry.

The fact is, our toddler’s world has turned upside-down when his baby brother was born.  How can we not expect him to react to it?

Now here are the reasons why I am glad I am still nursing Gavin:

  • At night, when both boys stir in their sleep, all I have to do is nurse them simultaneously and the three of us can all go back to sleep.  If Gavin had been weaned, I really don’t know how I would be able to nurse Gareth, carry Gavin, and sleep all at the same time.  I noticed that in the days prior to the pregnancy, sometimes the only way to get Gavin back to sleep without breastfeeding was to carry him and walk.
  • Breast milk is a laxative and helps Gavin overcome some of the problems with constipation that has been plaguing him.  We spoke to the doctor about Gavin’s constipation and she explained that it was a common problem for many toddlers because they are often too impatient to poop when they are supposed to and that causes the poop to get impacted in the bowels.  Additionally, the longer the poop remains in the bowels, the more water gets reabsorped and the harder the poop becomes.  Hard poop hurts and that causes toddlers to avoid the toilet even more which only serves to compound the problem.  No wonder toddlers are constipated.
  • Breast milk is my ultimate reward that Gavin can never say “no” to.  Okay, so this is probably not the sort of thing I should be doing, but hey, it’s effective.  Whenever Gavin misbehaves, all I have to do is threatened to take away his nursing time and he immediately falls back into line.  No other reward has the same effect as the promise of breastfeeding – not even chocolate, not even ice cream, not even the toy shop, although potentially the bookshop but we aren’t about to reward him with a trip to the bookshop in the middle of the night.  Given how difficult Gavin can be right now, this is probably one of the easiest methods for getting his cooperation.

So please tell me again why I should wean him?


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Filed Under: 2-5 years, Aristotle, Breastfeeding Tagged With: , , , , , ,

How to Get a Toddler to Brush His Teeth

July 18, 2009 by 1 Comment

I’ve never really had any trouble getting Aristotle to brush his teeth.  Whether he’s just naturally compliant with toothbrushing or whether we’ve just managed to hit it right from the start, I really don’t know.  Anyway, since I am a former dentist, it seems odd not to share some of what I know about looking after children’s teeth.

I think every parent will agree that it is a challenge to get a toddler to do anything you want them regardless of what the task may be.  Even if I have never really had much of a problem getting Aristotle to brush his teeth, I do know it can be tough for some parents.  So here are some tactics which we incorporate that might have contributed to Aristotle’s compliance.

1. Let Your Toddler Pick His Own Brush and Paste

Toddlers are going through a phase where they are struggling for autonomy. Being given the chance to select their own toothbrush and toothpaste can help them feel empowered and “grown up”. Sometimes being the ones to choose their own toothbrush and toothpaste is enough to encourage them to brush their teeth because they were actively involved from the outset.

These days, there is a large variety of toothpastes and toothbrushes for children available. To help facilitate your toddler’s decision-making, select two brushes and two tubes of toothpaste before presenting it to your toddler to make the final choice, otherwise you might find yourself in the shop for the rest of the day while your toddler tries to make up his mind.

Aristotle loves picking out new brushes and toothpaste and he loves using a new toothbrush even more.  Sometimes I have to hide his new brush until it’s time to change toothbrushes to avoid getting into a fight about using the new brush.   

2. Offer Toothbrushes with Your Toddler’s Favourite Characters

With the large variety of toothbrushes for children available these days, it is almost impossible not to find one with a character that appeals to your toddler. Sometimes the idea of being able to brush with a Pooh toothbrush or a Mickey toothbrush can be enough to entice a toddler to brush his teeth.

Lucky for us, we’ve been able to get by with the Mickey and Pooh brushes.  Don’t think I’ve seen a Thomas toothbrush around yet – although I did see Thomas and Friend toothpaste in the Korean supermarket in Hartamas once.

3. Interesting Toothpastes

These days, children’s toothpastes also come in a variety of “favourite” flavours. Let your child pick the flavour he likes best and you will find greater cooperation when it comes to brushing time. The unfortunate downside to this is that it also encourages toddlers to eat the paste rather than simply brush with it. For this reason, it is important to screen your toddler’s toothpastes to make sure they are fluoride free or have low fluoride content (although most children’s pastes these days are limited to 500ppm of fluoride which is half the concentrate of adult toothpaste). Fluoride, though excellent for preventing tooth decay, is not intended for regular consumption through toothpastes.

Alternatively, toothpastes that come in different colours might be more exciting to your toddler than the standard “white” toothpaste. Gel pastes are usually a hit – although you should first make sure that the mint is not too hot for your toddler.

4. Give Your Toddler a Free Reign

Although toddlers have poor manual dexterity and probably will not do a good job of brushing their teeth, sometimes it helps to hand over the brush and let them attempt to clean their teeth on their own. You can always take over towards the end to make sure the job is done well.

5. Rewards

Offering a sticker or reward for each brushing experience can sometimes produce results. With an older toddler you can create a sticker chart where your toddler earns a sticker every time he brushes. Once x number of stickers have been collected, you can reward your toddler with a bigger prize.

6. Brush Together

Some toddlers like to mimic their parents’ actions. If Daddy is brushing his teeth, your toddler may also be willing to do the same.  I’ve often found that if Aristotle sees me brushing my teeth, he’ll ask for his toothbrush so he can brush his teeth, too.

7. Positive Reinforcement

There are lots of children’s programs and books showing favourite characters cleaning their teeth. If your toddler is particularly stubborn about cleaning his teeth, make sure you watch some of these programs or read these books together. Then when it comes to brushing time, you can remind your toddler how his favourite characters brush their teeth to keep them clean and healthy.

Toddlers, though often challenging to handle, are not completely unreasonable. When given the right motivation, you can often encourage them to do most of the things you want them to.


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Filed Under: 12-24 months, 2-5 years, health Tagged With: , , ,

16 Tips for First Time Breastfeeding Mothers

June 26, 2009 by 5 Comments

After my previous articles on the benefits of breastfeeding for mother, baby, and bonding, I thought I ought to follow up with some tips for mothers who have never breastfed a baby before on how to get off to a good start.

Despite all my research and reading about breastfeeding and knowing how beneficial it was prior to the birth of Gavin, I still found myself struggling to breastfeed him and wanting to give up during the early days.  For me, breastfeeding did not come easily.  Even with all my determination and eagerness to pursue a nursing relationship with my son, I found my spirit flagging many times during those early days of breastfeeding.

Here are 16 tips which I found to be really useful during those early days:

1. During your pregnancy, read as much as you can on the subject.  A good book to read is one by La Leche League called “The Womanly Art of Breastfeeding“, but basically anything that you can find that offers tips and tricks for breastfeeding will be helpful.

2. Attend those prenatal sessions that talk about breastfeeding and demonstrate how it is done.  Although this isn’t the same as getting one on one advice on how to breastfeed, it prepares you for the process.

3. Let your doctor know that you intend to breastfeed your baby so that you will be given an opportunity to nurse your baby before he is taken for all those checks they perform right after birth.

4. Make sure you breastfeed your baby once before leaving the delivery room.  I’ve read that a baby’s root reflex is strongest at birth and you want to capture this moment before it begins to flag.

5. Get support – I cannot stress how important this is – from the lactation consultant, the nurses, friends and family members who have breastfed before and can advise you on how to go about it.  What you need to learn is how to position the baby, how to help baby get a proper latch onto the breast and what is a proper latch.  Although this is described quite well in books, it is not the same as having someone experienced in the art of breastfeeding show you how it is done.

N.B.  A lot of resources all tell you that if the baby is latched on correctly, breastfeeding will not hurt and that if it hurts, then the baby is not latched on properly.  What they fail to tell you is that breastfeeding during the early days does hurt even if you have a proper latch.  This is because your nipples aren’t used to having a baby’s tongue rubbing against it every two hours, twenty-four hours a day.  All that friction is bound to hurt!  However, once your nipples adjust, breastfeeding with a baby latched on properly does NOT hurt.  Any pain that you might feel then is usually an indication that something is wrong – e.g. cracked nipple, blocked ducts, etc.

6. Sensitive nipples usually last for a couple of weeks, maybe more.  Applying a breastfeeding ointment like Bepanthen after every feed can help to soothe your sore nipples.

7. Make sure you learn how to breastfeed lying down.  In the early days, the lack of sleep from a crying baby is going to make you extremely tired and you will need all the shut-eye you can get.  If you can learn to breastfeed lying down, you can rest at the same time.

8. Learning how to breastfeed can take time for both you and your baby.  Be patient and practice, practice, practice.  Some mothers and babies are naturals and fall easily into the nursing relationship, while for others, it can be quite a nightmare.  For me, the biggest challenge, aside from enduring the nipple sensitivity of the early days, was helping Gavin learn to cope with my partially inverted right nipple.

9. Make sure you only allow your baby to feed when you have a proper latch.  Sometimes, when you’re nursing during the early days, because it hurts anyway, it can be tempting to let the baby suckle on the tip of your nipple – don’t!  It encourages a bad habit that will be difficult to break late.  It also means you’ll have to endure the pain of sensitive nipples for longer because it is an inefficient method of nursing.

10. Nurse frequently during the first few days because the more often you nurse, the more quickly your matured milk will come in and the more milk you will produce.  A good guideline to follow is to breastfeed for 10-15 minutes per breast at least 8 – 10 times a day. If for, any reason, you are not able to nurse your baby, you can help encourage your breasts to produce more milk by applying a breast pump to it. One recommendation is to use an electric pump on the lowest setting for as long as you would otherwise nurse your baby.

11. Try to breastfeed your baby before he starts to cry for food because a crying baby finds it harder to latch on.  Plus, if he’s really hungry, he’ll get frustrated if he has difficulties latching on.

12. During the early days, your baby may tend to sleep through feeds (especially if your baby is jaundiced because jaundice tends to make baby lethargic) so it is important to wake your baby for a feed if it has been four hours since the last nursing session.

13. It will take time for your body to adjust its milk production to the needs of the baby.  In the initial days it will be insufficient and you will find your baby needs to nursing very often to help build up the milk supply.  After a while, there will be over-compensation and you may find your breasts producing more milk than your baby requires.  If your breasts are engorged, you may have to express a little before nursing your baby because it is difficult for your baby to get a proper latch on an engorged breast.  However, avoid expressing milk unnecessarily because this sends the message to your body that you need to continue producing more milk and will not help to resolve the engorgement problem.

14.  During the early days while your milk production is still developing, a well-intentioned but misguided relative might suggest offering formula to your baby “until you have sufficient milk”.  Don’t listen!  Milk is produced on demand, therefore, to make more, you need to nurse your baby more.  The suckling action of your baby tells your body to make more milk.  When you offer your baby formula, he suckles less and that tells your body that more milk isn’t required.  Instead of your milk supply building up, it dwindles!

15.  Some babies cry a lot during the early days and it is often assumed that it is because they don’t have enough milk.  An extremely bossy relative or confinement lady may attempt to override your desire to breastfeed and start offering formula to your baby.  To avoid this clash of wills, don’t buy any milk bottles and destroy any tins of formula until after you have established your milk production.  Believe me, it’s tough enough establishing a nursing relationship without having to fight another battle with such ignorant individuals.

16. This last piece of advice was given to me by a friend – take it one day at a time.  Whenever you feel like giving up, just tell yourself, “I’ll do it for one more day.”  At the time she told me, I was still pregnant and I didn’t understand what she meant.  But during those early days of breastfeeding, those words were the only thing keeping me going through all the discomfort and the struggle to help Gavin cope with a partially inverted nipple because I really wanted to quit.  Thankfully, I didn’t and I eventually arrived at a day when it all started to get easier.

It is important to remember that the breastfeeding experience is different for every mother and child.  For some it is easier, for others it might be harder.  Regardless, if you are determined to breastfeed your baby, you can.  Surround yourself with the right support and be sure to get rid of all the negativity around you.


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Filed Under: 0-6 months, Breastfeeding Tagged With: ,
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