“Wonder week or wonder month?”

That’s a question the hubby keeps asking me whenever I put down Gavin’s excessive clinginess and crankiness as a result of him going through that final wonder week of the first year.  It’s coming to nearly a month since I wrote about Gavin entering his final wonder week and we’re all wondering when it’ll be over.  Still exceedingly clingy, and cranky for unknown reasons, this never ending wonder week is really wearing me out.  Between having to carry Gavin most of the time while we shop and having to pace up and down our room while trying to get him to sleep, I’m starting to develop injuries in my elbow and foot!

Recently, he started refusing to sit in the carseat, making going out alone with him quite a challenge.  Given that my SIL will be leaving for Australia tomorrow morning, I was starting to get a little desperate.  Without her to drive while I pacified Gavin in the backseat, our little excursions are as good as finished unless I can re-train him to sit in his carseat again.

A huge benefit of being the primary caregiver for Gavin is that I can make some educated guesses about how to make it easier to manage his difficult periods since we are so often in each other’s company.  Observing Gavin closely over the last couple of weeks, has alerted me to the fact that he can no longer get through the morning without a nap roughly about two hours after he wakes up.  Skip that nap and he’s likely to be more irritable and extremely difficult to manage.  I used to be able to bypass this nap as long as I made things entertaining for him.  Now, whenever we head out before his morning nap, he’s usually excessively fussy by the time we’re headed for home.  Unless, I rock him to sleep before putting him in the car, I can pretty much guarantee that he’ll be howling before we get home. 

All the little tricks that used to work with him no longer seem to have any effect when he’s had enough.  Now that he’s older with more of a personality, he’s also a lot more determined and focussed on things we could previously distract him from.  Attempting to use distraction when he’s not ready to be distracted only serves to infuriate him even more.  There have been times when he’s thrown toys and food in a steadfast refusal to be pacified.

It used to be that only when it was late at night and he was very tired that he would scream whenever someone took him away from me.  Now, he’ll scream whenever he’s taken from me and he’s feeling particularly clingy to Mummy.  The hubby used to employ a trick of “snatch and distract” where he would grab Gavin from my arms and distract him with some new shopping sights so that I could have a break from carrying him.  Recently, that tactic has been met with a lot more resistence and intense crying.  Sometimes he cries so hard, he throws up - which makes me reluctant to let him to cry, even though he is in the arms of someone who loves him.

Sometimes, I can’t help but wonder if there could be another cause to his unexplained crankiness - like the fact that he finally cut his upper central incisors this morning.  Then I think of all the new big developments he’s made in the recent couple of weeks, like walking all the way down the stairs holding on to the banister, kissing and waving on demand, dancing to music on TV, pointing to “Ah Mah”, “Ah Kong” and “Papa” when we ask where they are, sticking two duplo pieces together instead of throwing them…  These are pretty big developments that seem to coincide nicely with the Wonder Weeks theory.

I’ve also started using the tips from Happiest Toddler on the Block, especially after watching them on the DVD I bought.  As recommended by Harvey Karp, I would use “toddlerese” and the “fast food rule” to show Gavin I understood what he wanted, and then I would redirect his attention to what I wanted him to do. 

The ”fast food rule” just means repeating to Gavin what you think he wants in an emphatic tone of voice and an expression that mirrors his feelings.  So the more upset he is, the more emphatic you need to be.  Since his language is limited, more so when he’s upset, it means you need to use short sentences consisting of only a few words and you have to keep repeating them so that the words get through to him.

When I first started doing this, my results were somewhat mediocre.  Sometimes Gavin seemed to get more upset.  Then I noticed that if I attempted this tactic when I could see a tantrum on the verge of blowing, I could usually head it off before he blew up.  I suspect that my “mirroring” of his emotions weren’t quite emphatic enough when he was already upset (since I reckon I’m a pretty laid back and sedate person most of the time), but that it was sufficient for the times when I knew he didn’t like what was coming. 

At times, I even gave up using toddlerese altogether when he flew into a tantrum.  For instance, when I was changing his diaper, I would just plough on and get the task done as quickly as possible then pick him up.  Recently, I started using toddlerese on and off and it seems like he’s starting to understand what I’m doing.  Perhaps there’s hope for the toddlerese technique to help quell his tantrums after all…

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Here we go again…

Around about the fifty-fifth week (plus or minus - meaning that it can start anytime between the 49th to 53rd week), comes the eighth and final wonder week that a baby goes in his first year of life.  This final wonder week is known as the world of programs.  During the last wonder week, baby learned about sequences which simply refers to events that follow a certain pattern or objects that fit together in a certain way.  In this wonder week, baby will learn the meaning of more activities that may not follow a particular sequence, for instance, doing the laundry, having lunch or tidying up.  This wonder week usually lasts about 4-5 weeks although it can be as short as 3 weeks and last as long as 6 weeks.  During this period, baby will be quicker to cry than usual, more cranky, temperamental and unmanageable.  At times, it may seem as though they want to be around Mummy all day long.  Indeed, this certainly sounds like Gavin now!

How do you know when WW55 is coming around:

• Baby may cling to Mummy’s clothes to stop her from leaving or he may want to be carried all the time.  Sometimes, they just keep coming back from “Mummy refill”, where all they seem to need is some brief contact with Mummy before they are off again.  Yeah, I had noticed that - Gavin will be crawling around and suddenly, he’ll come back to me and sit on my lap but before I can do anything, he’ll be off again.  I was a little puzzled at first, uncertain of what exactly he wanted.
• Baby will be shier with strangers, this includes their own family members.  Well, that explains why Gavin suddenly doesn’t want Daddy to carry him around when we go shopping (he normally only wants Daddy to carry him).  That also explains why he has recently been turning Ah Mah away (when Ah Mah has been one of his favourite people).  It will also explain why he hasn’t wanted Aunt HL to carry him either (so HL - no need to take offense, now you know why…)
• Baby will want close physical contact as much as possible.  The only person who is allowed to leave is baby.  That explains why Gavin seems to get upset even when I put him down on the floor recently.  Previously, getting down onto the floor seemed to be the only thing he wanted to do, so naturally, it came as a surprise to me to discover he didn’t want me to put him down.
• Baby may want to be entertained all day long.  Hmmm… yeah, I’d say sometimes.  That might also explain why he only seems content to sit in the high chair when the TV is on…
• Baby may be jealous.  Indeed, it seemed like that was a period when he appeared to have gotten over his jealousy so it came as a bit of a surprise that Gavin started getting jealous again.  The jealousy may be displayed as positive (by acting sweet or cuddly in an exaggerated way) or negative (by being cranky, mischievous or determined to hurt themselves). 
• Baby may be moody.  He can be happy, then sad, then angry with no apparent reason for the change in his moods.  Yup, this has definitely been Gavin over the last couple of weeks.  He can start crying for reasons no one can determine.
• Baby may sleep poorly.  Gavin refuses to sleep even when he is so tired.  It has been harder to get him to sleep.  He’s also been waking up at night (for instance last night to poop) and he wakes up earlier than normal.  Gavin used to do twelve hours a night.  Now I’ll be lucky if he gets ten! 
• Baby may daydream - where they sit and appear to stare out into nothingness.  Well, I can’t say that Gavin has been doing this - unless he needs to pee or poop, which I’m sure isn’t counted.
• Baby may lose his appetite.  “Many little ones are fussy eaters.  Their mothers always find this troubling and irritating.”  In my case, the rest of the family finds this troubling, while I find it irritating.  ”A child who is still being breastfed usually wants the breast more often, not because he really wants to nurse, but so he can stay close to his mother.”  I suppose between this and Gavin’s poor sleeping ability, it is no wonder I haven’t had any time to myself in the evenings after Gavin goes to bed.
• Baby may act unusually sweet.  Baby may come up to Mummy for to cuddle for a few moments before going off again.  Yeah, Gavin’s even taken up kissing me - a lovely, wet, sloppy kiss, but adorable nonetheless.
• Baby may reach for a cuddly object more often.  Erm… this has never been Gavin.  He normally throws his soft toys aside with little regard.  Then again, he did hug Whiffer…  I did think it quite unusual at the time that I saw it.
• Baby may be more mischievous - this usually done to get your attention especially when you are too busy to attend to him.  Even my in laws have noticed that Gavin displays selective hearing whenever they tell him “no”.
• Baby may have more temper tantrums, “he may go berserk as soon as he fails to get his way.  You may even see a tantrum that comes out of nowhere, perhaps because he is anticipating that you may not allow him to do or have what is on his mind.”  Good grief - this sounds EXACTLY like Gavin at the moment!

Below: Gavin deciding that he is only willing to eat if his godsister feeds him.

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The Wonder Weeks: How to Turn Your Baby’s Eight Great Fussy Phases into Magical Leaps Forward

I scored a copy of this rare find from my BFF when we were down in Singapore.  After reading through the chapter on Wonder Week 46 - the world of sequences, I can finally put to rest a lot of the concerns about gavin that I had been having over the last few weeks.  For such a vital parenting book, I can hardly believe that it is no longer in print!  It’s out of stock in all the book shops that I checked (unless you live in the states and can order it directly from Borders) and in the few places it is available online, it is being sold for an obscene price.

Wonder week 46 is the penultimate wonder week that a baby goes through before graduating to toddlerhood and usually begins somewhere around week 42, although it can begin as early as the week 40 and as late as week 44.  If you’re lucky, your baby will be over it in three weeks.  If you’re unlucky, it can take up to seven weeks before the phase passes.  Considering that Gavin still appears to be getting through it, I guess I fall into the unlucky category.

What are some of the signs that your baby is going through WW46?

1. Clinginess!  Particularly to Mummy.  Although I think Gavin’s doing pretty well considering he still allows other people to carry him out of my sight.  Although if anything is wrong - if he hurt himself, if he’s tired or hungry, he’ll usually only want me.  It was also interesting to note that although baby may also cry when in Mummy’s arms, they generally cry less.  I noticed this during the times when Gavin would be crying and no matter what I did, I couldn’t console him.  When the hubby tried to help by taking Gavin, Gavin would just cry harder. 

When I was in school studying psychology, our lecturer explained that babies generally enjoy playing with Daddy more because he’s more fun than Mummy but when they’re scared, hurt or threatened, they’ll only want Mummy because she represents safety.  This goes to show the importance of having both parents playing an active role in a child’s life because each gives something different to the child.  It also explains why Gavin cries less when with Mummy.  Something else I noticed was that this relationship appears to extend to the grandparents.  For instance, when Gavin is in a playful mood, he seems to prefer grandpa and Ah Kong, but otherwise, he prefers grandma and Ah Mah.

2. Baby suddenly becomes shy around strangers.  Indeed, Gavin hasn’t been his happy, smiley self around strangers like he used to be.  Instead, he just wears this disapproving frown that almost seems to say, “Stay away from me!”  I think if it weren’t for his Michelin rings, he might have lost his “cute” label that passerbys have been keen to give him whenever they lay eyes upon him.

3. Baby wants to be kept busy with Mummy’s undivided attention.  Indeed.  When I am nursing Gavin, sometimes it seems as though I am not allowed to take my eyes off him.  If I do, he’ll fuss and pull off the breast.  When he’s playing by himself, he usually wants me nearby where he can keep an eye on me, even if it means I’m just sitting next to him doing nothing.

4. Baby may be jealous - well, can’t say I’ve noticed this in Gavin but then again, I haven’t done anything that might make him jealous.

5. Baby can be moody - think baby with PMT and you should get the idea.  Sometimes there is no apparent reason for the sudden change in mood which naturally makes Mummy feel insecure.  It doesn’t help when you’re carrying the baby and he suddenly goes from happy to howling and everyone turns to look at you as if you’ve just dropped him.

6. Baby may sleep poorly - they refuse to go to bed (too right!), have difficulty falling asleep (oh the tales I could tell you about this one…) or they may wake up earlier (try 4-6am where previously he would wake up at 8:30am). 

It almost seems as though Gavin is trying to shift from two naps a day down to one but isn’t coping with the change.  He fights sleep so hard that we sometimes end up with only one nap, but then he’s cranky and overtired by the time we get to dinner.  If we managed to get in two naps a day, he doesn’t get to bed until 10pm when his bedtime is normally 7:30-8:30pm.  Where previously, he would be ready for a nap two to three afters after waking, he now pushes to four hours plus in between naps and sleep.  This also makes it extremely difficult to work out a schedule for our day so we usually end up taking everyday on the fly.

7. Baby may get nightmares.  Gavin used to get these during the first few months and after a while, they seemed to stop, although he occasionally had them on and off if he had a particularly exciting day.  Recently, they seem to have started back up again where he would suddenly start crying and crying with his eyes tightly squeezed shut.  We would have to turn on the lights and wake him up before we would have any success in calming him down.  Usually, I would have to jump out of bed and rock him, at the same time speaking into his ear telling him I’m here.

8. Baby may appear listless.  Nope.  Haven’t noticed this at all in Gavin.

9. Baby refuses to have his diaper changed - or getting dressed/undressed.  To hear Gavin screaming and howling when I’m changing his diaper or clothes, you’d think I was torturing him or something. 

10. Baby may lose his appetite or become fussy with food.  When I read this, it was like one of those “aha!” moments because we have been so worried about his lack of appetite and refusal of the spoon.  Now we know why…  He is starting to come around again and occasionally will take a few mouthfuls from the spoon, although the fussiness is still present.

11. Baby may behave more babyish.  Can’t say I’ve noticed this one, either.

12. Baby may be unusually sweet - bringing toys to play, books to read, or expressing affection to get your attention.  Lately, Gavin who is usually rather tight-fisted when it comes to his toys, has been offering me his toys.  When I take him to my exercise classes at Fitfor2, he’ll crawl over to me and start wrestling with me.  A few times, he’ll come up and kiss me - at least I think that’s what he’s doing because he’ll leave a trail of saliva all over my face.

13. Baby may be mischievous.  I think this really depends on your definition of mischievous.  To be fair, I think it only appears as if Gavin is more mischievous because he’s now a lot more curious about things we don’t want him to be curious about - like wires, powerpoints, opened drawers, mobile phones, car keys, and well, you get my drift.  Babies at this age may understand the word “no”, but they haven’t quite developed the ability to do what you say every time so naturally it will appear as if they are being more mischievous.

Below: Gavin after Daddy woke him up…

That’s it for today, I’ll write more about WW36 in the next post…

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