While I’ve been priding myself in being able to get Gavin attached to a lovey, I have since experienced one of the biggest shortfalls of having a child that is attached to a lovey.  Although the hubby and I have taken pains to secure the possible loss of Gavin’s lovey by purchasing a second identical toy, sometimes even that isn’t enough.

If you’ve been following this blog or if you’re a TY fan yourself, chances are, you’ll be familiar with Daichi the Bear.  Since we bought the second Daichi, I’ve started keeping Daichi no. 1 in Gavin’s cot at home, while Daichi no. 2 stays in the red bag I’ve started carrying around to hold all of Gavin’s essentials (namely: diaper, wet wipes, tissues, fresh t-shirt, noodle-cutting scissors, water, snacks, a toy, and my camera).

Terrible as it may sound, I recently misplaced Daichi no. 2.

When Gavin started fussing in the car, hubby innocently exclaimed, “Gavin!  Where’s Daichi?” 

It was intended to distract Gavin while I rummaged through my red bag for Daichi.  The only problem was that Daichi wasn’t in the bag.

Gavin’s crying halted for a moment while he looked at me with tear-filled expectant eyes only to be let down further through the discovery that Daichi was not forthcoming.

Our new code word for Daichi is “D bear”.  So unless Daichi is present, we try not to mention him in front of Gavin - especially when it is very likely that Gavin wants his bear.

Below: Gavin sleeping with Daichi during our road trip to Tanjong Jara.

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My little boy is growing up…

Since he was about six months old, I have been trying rather unsuccessfully to get Gavin to accept a “lovey“.  Then, just when I thought all hope was lost, Gavin started to show an interest in a few of his cuddly toys.  It wasn’t a particularly strong affection for his toys, but it was affection nonetheless and I was happy with the progress.

My BFF suggested I make my own soft toy for Gavin after she started getting into the whole home-made toy scene and had sent me a couple of patterns to start with.  I have yet to go and buy the materials so I haven’t quite gotten around to it, yet.

Meanwhile, over the last few days, Gavin’s attachment to Daichi, the TY bear, appears to be growing ever stronger.  For instance, after waking up from his nap, he refused to go downstairs without Daichi.  He even insisted on taking Daichi shopping with us, even though I was quite reluctant to have him drag his bear around the shopping mall where the bear could pick up all manner of germs since Gavin occasionally drops his toys.

Since Gavin has become so fond of Daichi, hubby and I decided it was time to buy a spare Daichi in the event Gavin loses Daichi the original.  This is one of the recommendations from “What to Expect the First Year” so that your child doesn’t have to go through the grieving period in the event that his lovey gets lost. 

The idea is to have two of the same toy (or, in the case of a blanky, to cut it into two pieces) and interchange the toys on a regular basis so that both toys adopt the same familiar “smell”.  Children have an acute sense of smell and will be quick to pick up on the different scent if you produce the second identical toy only after the first has been lost. 

Lucky for us Gavin hasn’t spent that much time with Daichi so he obviously hadn’t developed a special “smell”.  When I presented the second Daichi to him today (after cleaning and hiding the original Daichi), he didn’t seem to notice there was a difference.  Since TY toys are all handmade, I realised after comparing the two toys that one Daichi faces slightly left and the other faces slightly right.  Good thing Gavin seems to have missed this point, too.

I suspect Gavin’s increasing attachment to Daichi is somewhat related to his growing independence of Mummy.  For instance, the hubby was able to get Gavin to sleep while at home for the first time last night.  He did it again during one of Gavin’s naps.  Ordinarily, Gavin would only want Mummy at night and hubby could only successfully get Gavin to nap when we are out and there are lots of distractions.  I guess this is a sign that we are ready for number two, since I previously told the hubby that until he could successfully get Gavin to sleep at night, we would not be able to cope with a second child.

Aside from displaying increasing affection for his toys, Gavin has also started to show preferences for certain clothes.  When my in laws came back from their holiday in the States, my SIL bought this cute pajamas for Gavin that he took to instantly.  Out of all the clothes he received, this was the one he wouldn’t stop carrying around the house:

Whenever he sees this green top, he makes a lunge for it and he’ll drag it with him all over the house.  When I put it on for him to sleep in, he pulled up the front and gave his little chicks a kiss.

Gavin’s fondness for the top is because he likes the pictures of the chicks on it.  Ever since my MIL brought back some live chicks, Gavin has taken an instant liking for little yellow birds.  Whenever he sees them he signs, “bird,” and says, “chi chi,” which is supposed to be: “chick chick”. 

It was also interesting to note that this partiality towards yellow birds seems to have extended towards Tweety bird.  He has never watched a single cartoon of Tweety, yet he was interested in toys and clothes that bear Tweety’s picture.

Another toy that Gavin seems to have developed a growing interest in is Thomas the Tank Engine.  Although he doesn’t watch the TV program very often, I have noticed that he gravitates towards the Thomas toys whenever he sees them in a toy shop or the toy deparment.  Thomas the Tank Engine is also one of the few TV programs that doesn’t feature a lot of music that Gavin will sit still long enough to watch the program. 

He also likes Bob the Builder, although I think Thomas the Tank Engine is the clear winner between the two.  Looks like Daddy doesn’t have to be so worried about his son only being interested in girlie stuff after all…

It also looks like my SIL and I might have to rethink our plan to create a Lego theme for his second birthday party after all.  Gavin appears to be developing some pretty strong interests of his own.  While he enjoys playing with his Duplo pieces, Lego’s biggest downfall is not having a TV program or a mascot for young children to identify with.

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If I thought the day would never come when Gavin would feel some affection for a soft toy, my wait has come to an end.  Although he still doesn’t care too much for the toy we bought him in hopes that he would adopt it as his lovey, he has demonstrated some affection to a few particular soft toys.

Daichi, the TY bear.

We bought him Daichi when he started taking an interest in Ah Kong’s TY bear that used to sit in his car.  Since Ah Kong’s TY bear was old and dusty, we took Gavin to Memory Lane and presented him with various TY bears for his choosing.  Daichi was a definite favourite since he hugged on to him tightly while rejecting all the other bears, giving them back to me after looking at them briefly.

I guess the lesson to be learned, for me, is that your child will choose his own favourite toy no matter how appropriate you think another toy might be…

Although Gavin shows an interest in Daichi, the bear is still a long shot from becoming a lovey.  Gavin shows affection for Daichi and will kiss and hug the bear willingly, but he does not demonstrate the undying affection of a child with his favourite toy.  The interest he has for Daichi is about the same as the interest he has for his Elmo handpuppet (who has since regain favour again after the brief spell of fear of Elmo on TV) and his Tigger soft toy that we bought from Parkson, Pavillion about a month or so back.

One of the main reasons why I have always been keen for Gavin to adopt a lovey is so that he has a transitioning object to help him cope with the loss of Mummy’s full-time attention when we have a second child.  Nevertheless, Gavin is still young and there is no baby on the way, as yet, so I guess we still have time to work on it.

While we’re on the topic of second babies, I received a newsletter from Baby Center recently stating that the scientifically recommended time to have a second baby is about 18 months after the delivery of your first child.  This is so that your body has adequate recovery time to handle the stress of a second pregnancy.   As to the emotional management of your first child in relation to having a second child, there’s a great article covering this topic from Parenting iVillage.  I didn’t read through the entire article, but the gist of it is that there is no conclusive evidence proving or disproving what an appropriate gap between your first and second child might be.  So I guess as long as you’re ready, that’s about as good as it gets.

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Sometime back I wrote a post about introducing a lovey to Gavin.  Well, it’s now two and half weeks later and I think we’re making progress - not with Whiffer, but with other things. 

During JV’s birthday party a couple of weeks back, we noticed Gavin’s fascination with JV’s Liverpool FC mini football (see below).  I’m sure the hubby couldn’t be prouder, being a big Liverpool fan himself.  Personally, I’m inclined to think it’s the red colour…  Anyway, over the next week, the hubby hit the sports shops with a keen enthusiasm for shopping I had not witnessed in a long time.  We finally managed to get this popular ball at the Adidas shop in KLCC. 

From the moment he laid eyes on it in the shop, Gavin hardly wanted to let go of it.  He almost threw a tantrum when the salesperson took it from him while gettin him a new ball.  After that, he insisted on holding his ball while we went shopping.  The hubby and I were pretty amazed that he could hold it in one hand.  Hmmm… maybe we have a world football champion on our hands instead of a golfer…  It certainly looked like it when I carried Gavin all over the house so he could kick his ball around.

The other thing Gavin seems to have developed a rather strong attachment to is my bra pads.  Ever since my milk supply started tuning into Gavin’s demands, I’ve noticed that my bra pads weren’t getting soaked like they used to in the early days.  Deciding that I was going to ge eco-friendly, I decided to get the reusable pads instead of the disposable ones I had been using.  Whenever Gavin lays eyes on a pile of dirty laundry, he’ll scurry over to it and start looking for my bra pads.  He doesn’t want anything else, just my bra pads.  Once he’s found two (one for each hand), he’ll be off on his merry way.

A couple of times when I tried to pry the bra pads out from his tightly clamped fingers, he shrieked and howled until I gave it back.  And if there are no piles of dirty laundry for him to rumage through, he’ll just grab my shirt and reach for the ones I’m using.  It’s rather unfortunate that he’s so attached to them.  We can hardly have him running around town hugging a couple of bra pads…

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Over the last few weeks, Gavin hasn’t been too keen to be carried by Daddy - much to Daddy’s disappointment - until recently.  The first instance was when we were at PL and J’s place for J’s birthday party.  Hubby was carrying his god daughter and when Gavin saw, he started whimpering and reaching his arms out to Daddy.  When he was close enough, he started clawing Daddy to get into his arms.  The second instance was when we were at E and I’s house visiting their new baby.  Hubby was carrying his other god daughter which brought out the green-eyed monster in Gavin again.

Okay, so we knew that Gavin was rather possessive of Daddy when it came to other children vying for Daddy’s attention.  What surprised us was this:

This evening we were at Jusco in The Alpha Angle shopping for some groceries.  I was carrying Gavin while the hubby handled the basket.  The hubby decided to buy a watermelon and since it didn’t fit into the basket, he carried it in the crook of his arm like a football.  Gavin started staring at the watermelon with what initially appeared to be great interest.  A moment later, he started whimpering.

To which, Daddy asked incredulously, “You can’t be serious!  You’re jealous of a watermelon?”

Indeed Gavin was because his arms started reaching out for Daddy to carry him at the same time giving the watermelon the biggest greasy I’ve ever seen from a baby.  If looks could kill, I think that watermelon would be dead.  Wait a minute… oh never mind - you get what I mean.

At ten and a half months old, I now understand why we’re having so much trouble getting Gavin to get attached to his TY puppy, Whiffer.  Half the time he’s gnawing on Whiffer’s tail like they’re the best of buddies and the other half the time, he’s competing with Whiffer for our attention.  Just earlier today, his actions spoke louder than words just where he thought Whiffer belonged when Ah Mah gave Whiffer a big hug - on the floor.

That said, I still think we’re making some progress with Whiffer.  At least Gavin consents to a cuddle every so often instead of unceremoniously dumping Whiffer aside the moment we put Whiffer next to him. 

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While some parents are concerned about their infants adopting loveys for fear that their child may never learn to give it up, I, on the other hand, feel concerned that Gavin hasn’t adopted one.  In the hubby’s opinion, Gavin already has a lovey and it is called “Mummy’s nipple”.  Unfortunately, that isn’t as funny as it sounds.  Loveys are actually very important transitional objects that help toddlers develop a sense of independence during a period where growing up can seem rather daunting.  Loveys help a child learn to cope with the stress of separation from mother and self-cope with other stressful situations they may face growing up.  Loveys can range from a child’s thumb to a teddy bear to a blanket or a pacifier.  Common examples are Linus’ blankie, Garfield’s Pokey, Christopher Robins’ Pooh bear and Calvin’s Hobbs.

The best time for introducing a lovey, according to a writer from Associated Content is apparently at birth.  Loveys should be no bigger than baby’s head and not too small to be a choking hazard.  The lovey should be placed with baby as much as possible to help form an attachment.  I had always assumed that as Gavin grew older, he would naturally form an attachment to one of his toys on his own.  Now that he’s ten months old, I guess I’m a little late trying to help him form that attachment. 

The hubby and I recently bought Gavin a TY puppy - of his own choice - and we’ve been taking Whiffer with us everywhere.  I’ve even tried to put Whiffer to sleep with Gavin only to have Gavin throw him away in his sleep.  When Gavin is nursing, he’ll fling Whiffer around and finally drop him on the floor - hardly the reaction we were hoping for.  Although most children get attached to a lovey by eight to nine months, according to The Good Housekeeping Illustrated Book of Pregnancy and Baby Care “This powerful need for something cuddly will only grow stronger after the first birthday” so I guess all is not lost - yet.

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