(And in the process grandchildren)

I received this through email and I thought it was too good too keep to myself…  Mums and Dads, read on and laugh…

To those of us who have children in our lives,
whether they are our own,
grandchildren,
nieces,
nephews,
or students…
here is something to make you chuckle.

Whenever your children are out of control, you can take comfort from the thought that
even God’s omnipotence did not extend to His own children.

After creating heaven and earth, God created Adam and Eve.

And the first thing he said was: “DON’T!”

“Don’t what?” Adam replied.

“Don’t eat the forbidden fruit.” God said.

“Forbidden fruit?  We have forbidden fruit?  Hey Eve… we have forbidden fruit!”

“No Way!”

“Yes way!”

“Do NOT eat the fruit!”  Said God.

“Why?”

“Because I am your Father and I said so!”  God replied, wondering why He hadn’t stopped
creation after making the elephants.

A few minutes later, God saw His children having an apple break and He was ticked!

“Didn’t I tell you not to eat the fruit?”  God asked.

“Uh huh,” Adam replied.

“Then why did you?” Asked the Father.

“I don’t know,” said Eve.

“She started it!”  Adam said.

“Did not!”

“Did too!”

“DID NOT!”

Having had it with the two of them, God’s punishment was that Adam and Eve
should have children of their own.

Thus the pattern was set and it has never changed.

BUT THERE IS REASSURANCE IN THIS STORY!

If you have persistently and lovingly tried to give children wisdom and they haven’t taken it, don’t be hard on yourself.

If God had trouble raising children, what makes you think it would be a piece of cake for you?

THINGS TO THINK ABOUT…

1. You spend the first two years of their life teaching them to walk and talk. Then you spend the next sixteen telling them to sit down and shut up.

2. Grandchildren are God’s reward for not killing your own children.

3. Mothers of teens now know why some animals eat their young.

4. Children seldom misquote you. In fact, they usually repeat word for word what you shouldn’t have said.

5. The main purpose of holding children’s parties is to remind yourself that there are children more awful than your own.

6. We childproofed our homes, but they are still getting in.

ADVICE FOR THE DAY:

Be nice to your kids.  They will choose your nursing home one day.

AND FINALLY:

IF YOU HAVE A LOT OF TENSION AND YOU GET A HEADACHE, DO WHAT IT SAYS
ON THE ASPIRIN BOTTLE:

“TAKE TWO ASPIRIN” AND “KEEP AWAY FROM CHILDREN”!!!!!

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This is a story for the Dads who think stay home Mums have it easy… 

One of my cousins, J, recently delivered a set of twins.  She made her sister, JL, the godmother of both babies.  Looking after twins was rather exhausting for J so JL said, “Don’t worry!  When I get there, I’ll get right into it!”

Eager to see her godchildren, JL hopped on the next plane to the States.  When she arrived, J was quick to enlist her help to look after the babies.  Her first task for her sister was to change the diaper of one of her babies.  JL took one whiff, turned around and walked away.

On another occasion, JL was watching the babies while everyone else was busy.  After a while, she went to the kitchen and asked my aunt, “Mum, what are you doing?  Will you be done soon?”

My aunt, realising that JL was looking for someone to take over responsibility of looking after the babies, replied, “I’m cooking and no - I’ve got lots more to do so I won’t be done anytime soon.”

When JL was finally able to hand the babies over to another caretaker, she vanished.  Curious, my aunt asked, “Where’s JL?”

“Upstairs sleeping.”

By the time JL was ready to fly back to England, her comment was, “I didn’t realise it was so exhausting to look after a baby - I’d rather go back to work!”

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Here’s a cute little comic relief I overheard from my cousin:

For Father’s Day, my cousin took her daughter to buy Daddy a present.  After giving it some thought, she picked out a box of Maltesers as her Father’s Day present for her Dad.  When Sunday morning arrived, she gave her present to her Daddy and this was what she said, “You like, I like, we share?”

Clever kid.

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When Gavin wrapped his arm around me, I thought, “Oh, how sweet!  He’s learned how to hug me!”  Until I felt a sharp tug on my ponytail and my head jerked upwards in pain.  He wasn’t hugging me, he was reaching behind me to pull my hair!

I used to be able to save my hair by tying it up.  Now that Gavin has learned how to reach for my hair, I figured it was time to cut it shorter.  One Sunday morning, the hubby and I went to The Curve and I visited “Snips” for a RM30 hairy.  I feel quite bad because I felt quite impatient to get back to Gavin so I couldn’t be bothered to get my hair washed.  I even wondered why the guy insisted on blowing my hair straight when I was quite happy for him to just grab a fistful of my hair and lop off the ends.

Well, this was the end result:

Not too bad considering how uncooperative I was…

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How do you know when your baby is getting ready to crawl?

He starts doing lat pull-downs with your bra strap during feeding time.

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In the first conversation: 

Dad: Be careful with his balls!  Don’t you know it hurts?
Mum: No I didn’t.  Do I look like I have balls?

In a follow up conversation:

Mum: I thought you said it hurts when you press your balls?
Dad: Of course it does!
Mum: Well, our son doesn’t seem to think so - look at him clawing his balls.

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This was so cute, I had to post it up. I got it among some other funny pictures sent to me through email.

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Ever since we brought him home from the hospital, I’ve noticed that Gavin occasionally makes what I hope are unconscious hand signals.

I managed to snap the picture above during one of our car rides when Gavin had already fallen asleep. I hope this is not a sign of things to come…

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The following conversation took place between an aunty, my SIL and my FIL.

Aunty: Did you know that you can make a baby stop drooling if you make him swallow his own saliva?

SIL: Stares in disbelief.

Aunty: No, really! Both my nephews and nieces stopped drooling after we made them swallow their own saliva.

(Aunty walks away)

FIL: (to Gavin) Have you ever heard such nonsense?

When my SIL repeated this conversation to me later in the day, I nearly fell off my chair laughing.

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