One of the toughest things about being a Mum is having to deal with your toddler when you’re sick.  One of the sweetest things your toddler can do when your sick is be extremely cooperative.

This is an account of another one of those days when Gavin was simply wonderful…

Yesterday, at the peak of my food poisoning episode, Gavin decided to take a dump in his diaper.  Thinking he couldn’t have picked a worse time to soil his bottom, I reluctantly took him upstairs to clean him up and give him a bath. 

Ordinarily, getting Gavin out of the bath is like trying to extract a molar with three curved roots without anaesthetic.  Yesterday, I pleaded with Gavin and said, “Mummy’s sick (I signed “sick”), can you please help me by coming out of the bath by yourself?”

At first he looked like he was going to ignore me.  When I asked again the second time, he got up and followed me out.  Gavin can be so sweet at times…

I do wonder if Gavin was trying to be helpful so he could be like Thomas and the other engines because there’s nothing Thomas and his friends like more than to be “really useful engines”.  Perhaps there is some value out of watching Thomas and Friends after all.

The other thing I realised yesterday was that Gavin has started stringing two words together.  He normally calls me “Ah Mee” - probably because grandma is “Ah Mah” so Mummy must be “Ah Mee”.

I digress.  I took a nap in the afternoon while Gavin played downstairs with Ah Mah and SIL2.  When hubby brought him up after work, Gavin shouted at the top of his lungs, “Ah Mee!”  It’s hard not to melt at the sound of delight in the tone of his voice.

In my haste to get to sleep, I couldn’t be bothered getting dressed after my bath so I slept in my underwear.  When Gavin climbed onto the bed, he said, “Ah Mee, clothes,” and pointed to the cupboard.  Actually it sounded more like “coat” but I understood his meaning because he also signed “clothes”.  Then I asked him, “You want Mummy to wear clothes and go downstairs to play with you?”  And Gavin nodded.

Ah… it’s hard not to feel proud of what a little person my son is turning into…

Below:  Gavin’s first bubble bath in Tanjong Jara.

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Gavin has mastered the ability to drink from a cup or small bowl. Although the process was rather messy and we had to deal with a few soggy t-shirts while he worked at refining his technique, it looks like his efforts have finally paid off.

While it might be a pain to have to clean up after him, I’ve noticed that whenever Gavin makes a mistake, he is quick to pick up from him. For instance, after spilling soup down his front, he was very careful after that to make sure he didn’t over-tip the bowl.

Although he can control the cup angle pretty well now, he occasionally spills liquids down his front whenever he gets distracted and he forgets he is still holding the cup. He also has a habit of swinging his arms when he walks so we can’t quite give him a regular cup to carry around.

To encourage him to be independent, I try not to fuss when he makes mistakes and I resist the urge to wipe his mouth after every mouthful. I try to be patient even though his helping usually means we take twice as long to complete a task. I also let him help even if I am the one essentially doing the task.

For instance, I once asked Gavin to help me put back the shopping basket even though it was too cumbersome for him to carry it on his own and effectively I was the one carrying it while he just held on to one of the sides. Such practices, albeit tedious, inculcates a good habit of helping out and not only is it good training, but I am sure it will come in handy when Gavin is older.

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They call it the “terrible twos” but really it should be called the “onerous ones” or perhaps the “obstinate ones”.  Is it because of this misnomer that a lot of parents relate their harrowing stories of defiant toddlers to having begun when their child turned two?  Because that is what I hear from a lot of parents when it comes to their children - “Oh, the day she hit two - that was when all hell broke lose!”

Naturally, I was alarmed when Gavin was already showing signs of the terrible twos shortly after his first birthday.  I mean, if this isn’t the terrible twos then I would really hate to see what Gavin’s terrible twos have in store for me. 

In case you’re wondering whether I’m making a mountain out of a molehill, let me relate to you a few typical scenes with Gavin and you tell me whether you agree or not:

• He loves water, he loves to swim and he loves playing with water in the bath, yet, when it’s bath time, he flat out refuses to get into the bath.  When it’s all over, he refuses to get out and insists he’s not done. 

All my little tactics to get him out of the bath calmly have worked with limited results (as in, they work a few times until he catches on to the trick and then he starts backing away from me because he’s figured out what happens next).  When we take him out, he doesn’t just protest, he screams like someone’s trying to kill him (as his Daddy would describe it).

• When it’s bedtime, he does everything possible to stall.  For instance, he’ll ask for a sip of water which ends up being like 10 sips. When all his little tricks fail, he’ll turn those pleading eyes for some hapless family member to rescue him from the evil clutches of Mummy who’s about to put a stop to all his fun. 

Upstairs in our room, he’ll make signs that he wants to poop but when I put him on the toilet, nothing will come out.  When I make to take him off the toilet, he’ll start making grunting noises again as if he’s trying to poop.  I suspect the toilet trick is just to get the lights back on, especially when you consider that he never wants to sit on the toilet during the day.

Then he’ll ask for music but the only music he wants to listen to is Baby Signing Time.  When I play the music, he starts to dance like a mad boy and he signs like he never signs during the day.  He is simply adorable to watch until you remember that it’s actually bed time and it is now an hour after the time you were originally planning to put him to bed.

Luckily for my sanity, I discovered that the terrible twos can actually begin any time after the first birthday and sometimes even before.  So there really is a reason why my toddler gives me a hard time and I’m not prematurely balding as I yank my hair out in frustration over nothing.

As much as I had originally planned not to give Gavin any negative labels, it would appear that some undesirable labels have already stuck.  For instance, the hubby calls him LS (read: little sh*t) when he wakes up at 5am in the morning and starts bouncing around on the bed.  Whenever Gavin disobeys or does anything undesirable, he’s LS.  As much as I hate to label him so, when you’re sleep deprived with a squealing toddler bouncing off the walls like he’s high on speed and giggling to himself as he causes you no end of pain, it’s kinda hard.

Ironically, when we were at Tanjong Jara for a recent family holiday, aside from adoring his cuteness, a number of people told us how well-behaved they thought Gavin was.  Whenever we received one of these comments, the hubby would be like, “Huh?  Oh wait a minute, that’s because you haven’t seen him at home.”

Even though our view on Gavin might have been tainted by our private experiences of his temper at home, I have to admit, Gavin is pretty well behaved in public company.  In fact, I would go so far as to say he makes a rather gracious host.  He clearly adores being the center of attention and sometimes he even goes looking for it, trying to catch the eye of the cashier while wearing his most winsome smile.  Just to seal the deal, he’ll blow a kiss before we leave the shop.

Last night, while we were having dinner at a restaurant, Gavin was smiling and talking babble to some of the waitresses while we ate.  He kept gesturing to the food on our table and signing the word “eat” almost as if to say, “Come, come, join us!  Eat, eat!”  Aside from that, he readily signs “please” when he wants something and “thank you” when we prompt him.  “Sorry” is a little harder to come by but he still signs it after a little bit of cajoling.  Now how can I not be proud of my son’s public relations and social skills?

I guess one of the good things about taking Gavin out and speaking to strangers about him is that it helps us regain some perspective on our toddler’s behaviour and manners.

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When Gavin started crawling, our friends with walking toddlers told us to enjoy the fact that he wasn’t walking.  When Gavin took his first steps at the shopping mall and I no longer had to carry him, I didn’t even mind that I had to slow my walking pace so that Gavin could keep up.  Back aching from carrying him all the time, it was a much welcomed relief to be able to put him on the ground for stretches of time where he would walk by himself holding my hand.

Last night I realised why most parents wish their walking toddlers were still immobile.  It’s not so much the fact that they are walking that’s the problem.  It’s the fact that mobile toddlers have their own ideas about where they want to go.  It’s also the fact that they happen to be deaf to parents telling them to go places they don’t want to go.

Again, I wonder how much Gavin understands because he has an uncanny knack for doing what you’ve just been talking about.  When hubby and I arrived at Jusco in The Alpha Angle, we set Gavin onto the ground and he instantly reached for each of our hands and walked with us.  The hubby immediately said, “Looks like he has no confidence to walk on his own in public (because at home he would refuse to take anyone’s helping hand to walk) which is good for us.  Let’s hope it stays this way for as long as possible.”

About 5 meters later, Gavin dropped our hands and refused to let us hold his.  He then began to wander around the shopping mall according to his fancy and ignoring all our requests to follow us.  The only way we could get him to go where we wanted him to was to pick him up and carry him against his will.  Thankfully, he didn’t protest too hard.

Our quick shopping trip out ended up taking us twice as long as it would normally have to accomplish half the things we wanted to do.

Here’s some footage from tonight’s little excursion to KLCC…

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dfROtJykukU

And here’s Gavin helping Ah Mah with the shopping…

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ng1fI9ULYnU

Looks like shopping will never be the same again.

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Navigating the ever confusing toy jungle as a first time mother…  (read Part 1)

As a first time mother, I was totally clueless when it came to buying appropriate toys for Gavin.  When he was little, I would buy him toys that I thought looked interesting and fun.  When he started to show a little more interest in his surroundings, I would take him shopping with me and buy the toy that he gave the most reaction to.  Occasionally, I still let my child’s heart get the better of me and I’ll end up getting him toys just because I think he should like them.

Well, since writing my earlier post about toys that aren’t labelled appropriately when indicating a suitable age for your child, here are a few more things I’ve learned based on Gavin’s reaction to his toys…

When Gavin was 8 months old, my parents took him shopping at Toys ‘R’ Us in Melbourne.  At 8 months old, the old trick of showing a toy and waiting for a response no longer works because any baby with a healthy bout of curiousity is going to reach out to anything and everything you push in his direction.  So we ended up buying him three toys from Leapfrog.  They were on sale - 50% off!  When you’re in Australia, you can’t go past the toy sales!  You’ll never get them as cheap in Malaysia.

Okay, okay, so we bought Gavin the Leapfrog Globe (recommended age 6 months - 4 years),

the Leapfrog Piano (recommended age 6 months - 2 years),

and the Leapfrog Radio (recommended age 18 months - 2 years).

Since he was only 8 months, my Mum and I thought the radio was a little too old for him and we didn’t want to get it, but my Dad insisted.  I liked the piano and the globe because they were padded and soft so Gavin wouldn’t hurt himself if he accidentally knocked his head against them.

Well, it turned out that his favourite toy was the radio.  He didn’t like the globe at all and the only part of the piano he found interesting were the two plastic hooks on the back.

Even though he couldn’t understand the radio enough to play the games, he liked the music, he loved flicking the pages and he enjoyed the “cause and effect” of pressing the buttons and making noise.  With the radio, it was clear where the buttons were and Gavin knew what to press.  That was the unfortunate problem with the piano and the globe - being padded and soft, the buttons were indistinct and Gavin didn’t realise there were buttons he could press.  So naturally he didn’t enjoy them at all.

For the longest time, I put the globe and the piano away and only recently took them out to play again.  It is only now, at 14 and a half months, that Gavin finally understands how to work the piano buttons.  He even starts dancing whenever the music comes on.  Although he still doesn’t know where the globe buttons are, he’s starting to find it interesting that the globe makes music when he rolls it around.  For some strange reason, that used to scare him when he was younger.

Perhaps other babies have displayed different tendencies with these toys - maybe, maybe not.  I sometimes wonder what the reactions are.  If enough other babies reacted the same way as Gavin, then perhaps we ought not be so harsh on ourselves for not knowing which are the appropriate toys for our babies since it would appear even the manufacturers don’t seem to know the answer to that question.

Well, the silver lining at the end of the day is that Gavin did enjoy all his toys in the end.  It was all just a matter of time.  Perhaps it’s time to bring out his Leapfrog Book and revisit “One Bear in the Bedroom”?

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Okay, so the “Know-it-all” Mummy confesses that she doesn’t “know it all”.  Since Saturday past, Gavin’s crankiness has went up a whole new level I never thought possible.  He now wakes up from naps crying - in fact, he cries a lot more lately and it’s not the normal kind of crying but the hysterical type that seems inconsolable.  Sometimes even offering the magic breast doesn’t help at all.  He just shakes his head and screams more angrily as if to say I don’t understand him - which is exactly how I feel at those times.

I did an online search for possible causes of fussiness in 14 month old babies and only came up with a few other Mums complaining of the same problem - fussy baby, cries a lot, won’t eat, always wants what you are holding, always wants you to play with him - in other words, very difficult.  Although I didn’t find the solution to my problem, at least I know I’m not alone, but just to be sure, I checked in with my three best Mummy pals to reconfirm that I’m still a good Mummy and I haven’t done anything wrong.

Well it would seem my health science training is still quite ingrained in me because I started making a list of possible causes for Gavin’s crankiness - my differential diagnosis - and started working through the list on a process of elimination.  So here are the possible causes for Gavin’s recent crankiness:

• dietary - too much MSG and sugar
• environmental - too much excitement and play
• teething - Gav’s upper left central incisor is taking forever to break through
• sleep - shifting from two naps to one
• constipation - he went three days without pooping (quite a long time since he’s now on solids)
• milestones - he just started walking unaided
• developmental - the Terrible Twos

There’s also a possibility that it is just a combination of all of these factors.  For instance, he had nightmares on Saturday night when he went out for a birthday party and ate food with a lot of MSG.  On Monday night, hubby and I took him shopping at KLCC where he had New Zealand ice cream’s Chocolate Ecstasy and my Starbucks hot chocolate.  Needless to say he slept poorly that night.  On Tuesday, he went swimming in the morning so I foolishly tried to shift him to a single afternoon nap for my convenience.  Instead of sleeping two to three hours like I expected when I put him down for a single nap, he woke up after an hour and refused to go back to sleep. 

He cried after waking up from his afternoon naps which could be due to his teething because he would shove a finger into his mouth and rub his gums while howling.  I did attempt to resolve the problem with some Bonjela only to stir up a whole new burst of crying because Gavin couldn’t stand the taste of Bonjela.  Frankly, I’m not sure I’m all that keen on it either since it has a rather distinct aniseed flavour.  I don’t know if I imagined it but Gavin did seem to calm down a little after getting over the horrid taste of Bonjela so perhaps he was starting to feel some relief in his gums?

Then yesterday, Gavin started walking unaided.  I’ve read that when babies hit a particularly big milestone, there can be a tendency for increased fussiness, so that seems to coincide.  Then again, it could also be the stomach discomfort he was experiencing from not having pooped for three days in a row.  After pooping yesterday afternoon, Gavin napped for 45 minutes in the evening and it was the first time in days that he actually woke up without bursting immediately into tears.

Last but not least, it could just be as my friend PL said - that Gavin is going through a phase.  When you’ve tried everything and nothing seems to resolve the problem, put it down to the Terrible Twos, which, according to Dr Greene, even ideal parents would have to experience no matter how well they raised their toddler.  Basically, the Terrible Twos is a phase every toddler goes through where they are starting to discover their autonomy and in order to exert this new found self, they have to oppose what their parents say.  It is a part of discovering their own identity. 

The Terrible Twos is marked by a strong tendency to oppose everything Mummy and Daddy says, no matter how reasonable the request might be.  For instance, “don’t touch the plug points” is met with a howl of frustration, “don’t play with the drawers” is met with an angry barrage of throwing objects from the drawer, and my all-time worst - “it’s time to sleep” is met with an arched back and a scream of fury like you’ve never heard.  Naturally, this is a very trying time for a parent, trying to be understanding of your child’s apparent disregard of your commands.

If it is a difficult time for a parent, it is an equally troubling time for a toddler.  Having just come from babyhood where your toddler’s every desire was to please Mummy and Daddy, being at odds with their most favourite people in the world can be emotionally tumultuous.  Their desire to be approved by Mummy and Daddy is at war with their need for autonomy.  Dr Greene’s depiction of the Terrible Twos as being the first adolescence is indeed an apt description of this phase.

So if you understand the turmoil your child is experiencing, suddenly the unexplained crying, poor sleeping habits and fussiness is starting to make sense again.  If you were at odds with a loved one, wouldn’t you feel upset, too?

Well, understanding the cause of the crying doesn’t make it any easier to deal with at 5am in the morning.  Having spent the large part of the previous night pacifying Gavin who refused to be calmed down by anything, I wasn’t ready to be deal with more crying at 5am.  I wanted to hide under the covers and pretend it didn’t exist - as rotten a Mum as that made me feel.  It certainly made me understand how “shaken baby syndrome” occurs, not that it makes it any more acceptable nor do I think I would ever resort to such extreme measures to silence a baby’s cry.  At any rate, it also reinforced the importance of taking a break from your toddler especially if you’re a SAHM.

So this post is designed to reinforce two points:

• No matter what anyone says about their well-behaved baby who slept well through the night and hardly ever cried, your difficult, snappy, cranky, crying baby is not a result of bad parenting.  Take an example of a parent I know whose first daughter was really “good”, while her second daughter gave her a real run for her money.  Every toddler is different, and naturally so because every toddler is a little person with his or her own personality.
• Don’t feel bad if your child’s crying is making you angry - this just shows you’re human - as long as you recognise your limits and make sure you take yourself out of the picture before you snap.  Don’t be afraid ask a friend or a family member to mind your toddler for a couple of hours so you can have some R&R or “me” time.  Dads, recognise that Mums, even Super Mums, need a break from time to time so she can regain some sanity.

So how when does the Terrible Twos begin and how long do we have to endure it?  Well, contrary to popular belief that the Terrible Twos begins when a toddler turns two years of age, it can begin at any time after the first birthday (and sometimes even before).  The average age that the Terrible Twos begin is around 18 months, and it can last until 3 years of age.  Unfortunately for me, I already started noticing the early beginnings of the Terrible Twos in Gavin since he turned 1, although his moods and emotions are steadily getting worse.  I almost dread to think what they will be like at their peak.

What can you do to ease the Terrible Twos?  Well, I read a little book by Harvey Karp called “The Happiest Toddler on the Block”.  I’ve applied his suggestions with mixed results.  I don’t know if I’m imagining it, but I do feel Gavin is making more progress the more I used it.  I’m hoping that as he gets older and understands more, the tactics in the book will have even more effect on him.

Below: at times when Gavin seems rather trying, it’s good to have adorable photos of him playing side by side with his god sister.

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Gavin took his first unaided steps towards me today!  Well, technically it’s happened earlier, according to the hubby, but they were usually quick one to two steps between objects he could hold on to for balance.  Although I’ve always said that walking was no big deal, I couldn’t help feeling that surge of pride swelling in my heart when I witnessed his little steps for the first time.  I’ve also noticed that Gavin is more willing to walk holding my hand since his trip to the swimming pool on Tuesday.  He has also been crawling like a bear and rearing up on his hind legs whenever he feels like standing up.

Well, we’ve always known he was ready to walk for some time now so it was always going to be a matter of time before it happened.  Looks like the trip to the swimming pool was the catalyst that helped encourage Gavin to take his first steps alone… 

Now we really need to start searching in earnest for some proper walking shoes since his Pigeon shoes don’t really fit well or support him when he walks.  We’re still having trouble finding shoes to fit the width and height of his foot - most shoes that fit the length of his foot are too narrow.  If we go up a size, the shoes become ridiculously large - he looks like a clown with oversized shoes, not to mention that it probably won’t help him walk either because he’ll be tending to trip over his feet.

Anyone know where I can get custom-made shoes for babies?

Below: The Pigeon shoes we bought him from Parkson.  If you look at his left foot, you’ll notice that his heel doesn’t sit into the shoe very well.

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Although they say there isn’t much you can do to encourage your 14 month old to start walking (nor should you try, apparently), I have inadvertently discovered a couple of methods that has had some effect on Gavin.  At 14 months, he’s crawling, cruising and apart from a couple of steps between two objects, he still steadfastly refuses to walk on his own, nor does he want us to help him by hold his hands.  Since they say you shouldn’t force him to walk as it would just have the opposite effect of discouraging him from learning, I have pretty much left him to his own devices until today.

We took Gavin to my MIL’s club where he went “swimming”.  We started in the baby pool where the water was so shallow, he could crawl around in it.  As we got deeper, he eventually had to stand up he would end up swallowing a lot of water.  I found him more willing to “walk” and be guided by my hands when he was in deeper waters.

The other form of encouragement came by way of the pavement.  Ever curious to explore, Gavin kept crawling out of the pool and onto the pavement which was paved with very fine stones that were probably a little rough against his knees.  Since he didn’t seem to like being carried at this point, I put him down onto his feet and he allowed me to hold his hands while he wobbled from one pool to the other. 

These are the only two times he has ever attempted to walk as I held his hands.  Most other times when I place him on his feet, he would promptly drop onto all fours and crawl to his destination.  Though this tactic may not work with every baby, nor do I recommend it as a method to persist with if it doesn’t work with yours, you could still give it a go to see if your baby takes to it like a fish to water.

Since returning home, I’ve also noticed that he’s picked up a new habit of crawling on his hands and feet (as opposed to his hands and knees like he normally does).  That’s another reason to start exposing him to new activities - it seems pretty effective in helping him learn new tricks.  Perhaps I should start taking him to the jungle gym on a regular basis, too…

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“Wonder week or wonder month?”

That’s a question the hubby keeps asking me whenever I put down Gavin’s excessive clinginess and crankiness as a result of him going through that final wonder week of the first year.  It’s coming to nearly a month since I wrote about Gavin entering his final wonder week and we’re all wondering when it’ll be over.  Still exceedingly clingy, and cranky for unknown reasons, this never ending wonder week is really wearing me out.  Between having to carry Gavin most of the time while we shop and having to pace up and down our room while trying to get him to sleep, I’m starting to develop injuries in my elbow and foot!

Recently, he started refusing to sit in the carseat, making going out alone with him quite a challenge.  Given that my SIL will be leaving for Australia tomorrow morning, I was starting to get a little desperate.  Without her to drive while I pacified Gavin in the backseat, our little excursions are as good as finished unless I can re-train him to sit in his carseat again.

A huge benefit of being the primary caregiver for Gavin is that I can make some educated guesses about how to make it easier to manage his difficult periods since we are so often in each other’s company.  Observing Gavin closely over the last couple of weeks, has alerted me to the fact that he can no longer get through the morning without a nap roughly about two hours after he wakes up.  Skip that nap and he’s likely to be more irritable and extremely difficult to manage.  I used to be able to bypass this nap as long as I made things entertaining for him.  Now, whenever we head out before his morning nap, he’s usually excessively fussy by the time we’re headed for home.  Unless, I rock him to sleep before putting him in the car, I can pretty much guarantee that he’ll be howling before we get home. 

All the little tricks that used to work with him no longer seem to have any effect when he’s had enough.  Now that he’s older with more of a personality, he’s also a lot more determined and focussed on things we could previously distract him from.  Attempting to use distraction when he’s not ready to be distracted only serves to infuriate him even more.  There have been times when he’s thrown toys and food in a steadfast refusal to be pacified.

It used to be that only when it was late at night and he was very tired that he would scream whenever someone took him away from me.  Now, he’ll scream whenever he’s taken from me and he’s feeling particularly clingy to Mummy.  The hubby used to employ a trick of “snatch and distract” where he would grab Gavin from my arms and distract him with some new shopping sights so that I could have a break from carrying him.  Recently, that tactic has been met with a lot more resistence and intense crying.  Sometimes he cries so hard, he throws up - which makes me reluctant to let him to cry, even though he is in the arms of someone who loves him.

Sometimes, I can’t help but wonder if there could be another cause to his unexplained crankiness - like the fact that he finally cut his upper central incisors this morning.  Then I think of all the new big developments he’s made in the recent couple of weeks, like walking all the way down the stairs holding on to the banister, kissing and waving on demand, dancing to music on TV, pointing to “Ah Mah”, “Ah Kong” and “Papa” when we ask where they are, sticking two duplo pieces together instead of throwing them…  These are pretty big developments that seem to coincide nicely with the Wonder Weeks theory.

I’ve also started using the tips from Happiest Toddler on the Block, especially after watching them on the DVD I bought.  As recommended by Harvey Karp, I would use “toddlerese” and the “fast food rule” to show Gavin I understood what he wanted, and then I would redirect his attention to what I wanted him to do. 

The ”fast food rule” just means repeating to Gavin what you think he wants in an emphatic tone of voice and an expression that mirrors his feelings.  So the more upset he is, the more emphatic you need to be.  Since his language is limited, more so when he’s upset, it means you need to use short sentences consisting of only a few words and you have to keep repeating them so that the words get through to him.

When I first started doing this, my results were somewhat mediocre.  Sometimes Gavin seemed to get more upset.  Then I noticed that if I attempted this tactic when I could see a tantrum on the verge of blowing, I could usually head it off before he blew up.  I suspect that my “mirroring” of his emotions weren’t quite emphatic enough when he was already upset (since I reckon I’m a pretty laid back and sedate person most of the time), but that it was sufficient for the times when I knew he didn’t like what was coming. 

At times, I even gave up using toddlerese altogether when he flew into a tantrum.  For instance, when I was changing his diaper, I would just plough on and get the task done as quickly as possible then pick him up.  Recently, I started using toddlerese on and off and it seems like he’s starting to understand what I’m doing.  Perhaps there’s hope for the toddlerese technique to help quell his tantrums after all…

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I’ve just realised that I haven’t written a single post about Gavin’s teeth and I’m a dentist!  Or rather, was. 

Well, Gavin is now 1 year and 1 month old and he still only has two lower central incisors (they are the two front teeth on the bottom), although the two upper central incisors look like they are about to pop through his gums any day now.  His teeth are erupting a little on the slow side considering the average age of eruption for the central incisors are around 6-10 months for the lower and 8-12 months for the upper.  I had to memorise eruption dates in first year for an oral anatomy exam but heck if I can remember them all now.  I had to be told by my paediatrician that eruption of the first tooth can be as late as 18 months and that is still completely normal.

Well, there are benefits to having Gavin cut his teeth late - at least he has less teeth to bite me with when he’s nursing.  That said, I have a number of Mummy friends who’ve asked me about biting and nursing so I guess this is a common concern among mothers who intend to nurse their babies beyond six months.  Well, I was worried about it too and I asked my BFF - who had more experience than I (her son is soon to be turning two years old) - and she gave me this piece of advice:

When baby bites, just remove your nipple and tell him, “Ouch!  That hurt!  No more milk.”  He’ll soon get the message that he shouldn’t bite Mummy’s nipple. 

Gavin’s been quite good with the biting.  He hardly ever bites and when he does, it’s usually a gentle nibble.  Biting is also a sign that baby is playing and has either lost concentration for nursing or is only pacifying because in order to suckle, baby tongue thrusts forwards and that would mean that he would end up biting his own tongue.  So if baby is biting, he is no longer nursing.

When I was in dental school, we were taught to recommend to patients to bring their babies in for their first dental check up at about 6 months.  This is because the first tooth is expected to erupt about 6 months and it is a good time to advise parents about how to take care of their baby’s teeth.  It also ensures that baby’s first experience at the dentist is a positive one (which makes it easier for subsequent follow up appointments). 

I find that the number one reason why children are afraid of the dentist is because their first visit to the dentist is because they already have problems with their teeth.  A lot of people have the misconception that they only need to visit the dentist when their teeth hurt, but the problem is, when your teeth hurt, it usually means that the problem has escalated to something really big. 

It’s a catch 22 really.  Whenever a friend tells me about a dental problem they have, I’ll ask, “Why don’t you see a dentist?”  The reply inevitably will be, “I’m afraid to see the dentist because it’ll hurt.”  It really doesn’t make sense because their teeth is hurting now but they are afraid of going to see the dentist because it’ll hurt?  I’m sorry, I fail to comprehend the logic behind that statement.  The second point is that if you only visit the dentist when the pain has kicked in, it means the problem you have in your mouth is a big one and that means a big procedure will be necessary and big procedures, being more complex and more involved, can be painful (although I should add that in this day and age, most dental treatments can be done painlessly).  If you make regular trips to the dentist, your dentist will be able to fix the problems in your mouth while they are still little ones - these involve small procedures that are simple and painless.

I digress… I’m supposed to be talking about baby teeth.  Sorry.  I can’t help lecturing when I get on this topic… 

Cleaning Baby’s Teeth

You can get finger brushes that you can wear over your finger and use that to brush baby’s teeth.  It’s easier to use when compared to a toothbrush but it really depends on your child’s compliance.  In theory it sounds great but when I got one for Gavin, he refused to let me clean his teeth.  In the end, I ended up using a wet washcloth to rub his teeth, which he seemed to like.

Young children don’t need fluoride toothpaste, especially if you live in an area where the water is fluoridated.  Because of their small stature, it is easy for children to get too much fluoride which can cause a condition called fluorosis.  Mild fluorosis appears like small white spots on the teeth.  In severe fluorosis, the teeth can become brown and mottled - although there is nothing wrong with the teeth, it is aesthetically rather unpleasing.

When you start introducing fluoridated toothpaste to a child, make sure you use children’s toothpaste which usually only has about 500ppm of fluoride (compared to regular adult’s toothpaste which has 1000ppm of fluoride).  Make sure you put only a pea size amount on your child’s brush and mash it into the bristles so that your child doesn’t end up swallowing the toothpaste.  Young children have difficulties spitting so often they end up swallowing most of the toothpaste which increases their fluoride exposure.

There are really only two major diseases that affect the teeth and gums - dental caries (tooth decay) and gum disease.  When you brush your teeth, the fluoride in your toothpaste protects your teeth from dental caries and the brushing action of your toothbrush protects your gums from gum disease.  It really is as simple as that.  The fluoride in toothpaste attaches itself to the tooth surface forming a new harder structure that is more resistance to dental caries.  The action of toothbrushing removes plaque bacteria that accumulate around the teeth and irritate the gums, causing gum disease. 

In Uni, one of my lecturers explained to us that for some reason currently unknown to us at that time, children have a natural protection against gum disease.  They are immune to gum disease - perhaps it is just mother nature’s way of protecting our children, who knows? Once they turn 6, they are no longer protected, because at 6 years, the first adult molars will erupt into the mouth. 

So when it comes to your baby’s teeth, all you really need to concern yourself with is dental caries.  Which leads me to another concern that I had earlier when I had decided I was going to try to continue nursing Gavin at least until he turns 2 (as recommended by WHO, 2002).  Since Gavin is so active during the day, he tends to nurse a lot at night and since the flow of saliva is reduced when we sleep, I was concerned that the milk sugars left in his mouth might lead to tooth decay.  During the day, the constant flow of saliva washing over the teeth helps to protect the teeth from decay.  Since it would be impractical to clean Gavin’s teeth after each time he nursed, I wasn’t sure what to do about it until I read the chapter on nursing toddlers in The Womanly Art of Breastfeeding.

It appears that the milk sugars in breastmilk seem to have a lesser effect on causing tooth decay compared with formula milk and that “prolonged demand breast-feeding does not lead to a higher caries prevalence” (Weerheijm et al, 1998).  From the study, only 9% of the children who received prolonged demand breast feeding suffered from nursing caries and this was due to their low exposure to fluoridated toothpastes.  For mothers whose babies are more proned to tooth decay, it was recommended that they clean their toddlers’ teeth more frequently during the day time, especially if their toddlers are night nursers. 

Now I can continue nursing Gavin at night without feeling guilty…

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