Wow!  Nearly a whole week without a single blog post from me - how neglectful I have been!  Well, it hasn’t been entirely my fault - the circumstances haven’t been too kind to me, or perhaps it is my modem that is nearing the end of its lifespan?

Anyway, I learned a few more things from the car seat this week after a few pleasant and not so pleasant experiences with Gavin.

1. Moving Gavin to the front passenger seat does wonders to improve car seat cooperation.

Although it isn’t usually recommended to have a child sitting in the front passenger seat - notoriously the most dangerous seat in the car - I figure it would be safer to have Gavin in the car seat than to have him moving freely around the car.

Initially, it was the novelty of being up front that won him over.  Later, I discovered that having him in the front seat allowed me to engage his attention more easily as a method of distraction, for instance, “Look at the big truck!”

Having Gavin in the front seat also allows me to hold his hand when he begins to get fussy and sometimes that alone can head him off from a complete meltdown.

2. Offer to nurse at the last port of call.

Especially after a long morning/afternoon out, it is always a good idea to offer Gavin a chance to nurse before attempting the drive home - so I discovered yesterday when he failed to fall asleep during the journey home because he wanted milk.  Sometimes when you’re in a hurry to beat the traffic or to get home for whatever reasons, it is easy to overlook this one.  It is also easy to make the mistake of assuming fatigue will overrule the desire to nurse - not so!  At least not for Gavin.  When he decides he really wants something, there’s no distracting him from it.

3. Affirm his needs.

I have discovered that affirming his needs works a whole lot better than trying to console him with the promise that milk will come or that home is just around the corner.  Rather than telling him I’ll give him milk soon, I just repeat, “Gavin wants milk.”  If I tell him he’ll get milk soon, he just launches into bigger howls because “soon” is never soon enough.  Ironically, when I repeat what he wants back to him (which is a Toddlerese tactic), he still isn’t going to get milk until we get home or stop the car, but he seems to take it a lot better.

4. Play him something to listen to.

Since he was little, I have discovered that music soothes this savage beast.  Well, recently, I have discovered that certain meaningful words have a remarkable effect upon him as well.  On the Thomas Music CD that I made for him, there is a track with a short story about Thomas and Gordon which Gavin really enjoys listening to.  Playing that track for him worked wonders for a while when I was trying to get him to cooperate and sit in the car seat.  Although it is starting to lose its appeal from overuse, it just reminds me never to underestimate the use of some good background music - or in this case, words.

5. “Mummy means business” approach.

This usually never works with Gavin, but I have discovered that it works for some instances when trying to get Gavin into the car seat.  In Gavin’s case, it has to be used only when he is mildly protesting against the car seat.  It doesn’t work when he’s lost it so it has to be used fairly early on in the day and also before he’s had a chance to build up his refusal of sitting in the car seat. 

When he won’t sit in the car seat, I just plonk him down on the floor space in front of the passenger seat and get into the driver’s seat.  I make like I’m about to start driving off and then I look at him and ask if he wants to sit in his car seat.  Sometimes he’ll agree, sometimes he won’t.  If he doesn’t, I might try asking him if he wants to listen to his favourite music track which usually does the trick.  If it doesn’t, I’ll start driving a little and then give him another chance to opt for the chair.  So far, I haven’t had to go beyond this point. 

6. Let him sleep.

When all else fails, knock him out before getting into the car to drive. 

When I was practicing children’s dentistry, behaviour management was the first approach for managing children in the dental chair.  Putting them under a general anaesthesia (GA) was saved only for children with lots of dental work to be done or for the most difficult of children to manage.  The problem about using GA is that you never manage the child’s behaviour or their perceptions of the dental chair.  It’s more like a temporary quick fix to help you get the job done.  Likewise, I view getting Gavin to fall asleep before putting him into his car seat as something akin to giving him a GA before sending him for dental treatment.

Ideally, if I can manage him while he’s awake, I feel we can both learn something from the experience - even if it is trying on the both of us.  If I make him sleep first, he learns nothing.  So I generally reserve this tactic to the most trying of times and when nothing else will work.  This method also doesn’t work if he’s not already tired.

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After today’s experience in the car seat, I think I am at a loss to understand my son’s car seat habits.  All the same, I’m still going to attempt an analysis of what happened today.

Yesterday, my grandma called to tell me my uncle was in town and could I please pay him a visit.  Admitedly, he couldn’t have picked a worse time to visit since we were planning hubby’s birthday party for today, tomorrow we had to attend a friend’s son’s full moon party and he would be leaving the following week.  Nevertheless, attempting to be the dutiful grand-daughter, I decided to pop over this morning before we got too caught up with the plans for the hubby’s birthday party.

I took it easy in the morning and made sure I told Gavin where we were heading.  To put it simply, he wasn’t keen to go when I asked him if he wanted to visit Tai Ma.  Perhaps because he finds it boring, but he never seems to enjoy visits to see his great grandparents - whether it is the hubby’s grandmother or my grandparents.  Since I had already told my grandma I would be over in the morning, I pushed on and packed the car with my last train bribe - Toby - in hand. 

When I seated Gavin in the car seat, he started whimpering as per his usual early signs of protest before launching into the all-out bawling.  Quickly, before he could get any further, I whipped out Toby and pressed the train into his little hand and asked, “Oh!  Who’s this?”  For a moment there, I was almost afraid that Toby wasn’t going to be enough, but we made it. 

When we arrived at my grandma’s house, Gavin didn’t want to go in until I promised to take out his train magnet book.  For someone who doesn’t really enjoy visiting my grandparents, I have to say that Gavin behaved quite admirably.  Possibly his only failing was his unwillingness to sit in my grandma’s lap or to be affectionate with her.  Yet, to be fair, he doesn’t really see her often enough to have much of a bond with her.

After a while, he was starting to look tired, so I thought I had better get him home before he became unmanageable in the car.  I was a little worried about how I was going to get him back into the car seat and had even contemplated making the short drive home with him seated on the floor space in front of the front passenger seat.  To my surprise, he allowed me to seat him in his car seat without a whimper or complaint and all this was happened when he was quite tired and usually his most uncooperative!

My SIL2 reckons he was too tired to complain.  Personally, as terrible as it sounds, I think he was just eager to leave my grandma’s place.  Why do I think so?  Because he willingly - almost eagerly - kissed my grandparents goodbye when I told him we could leave after he kissed them goodbye.  I’ve noticed that when Gavin is eager to leave a place, he is usually most compliant with any requests, such as saying “goodbye”, kisses, etc.  So when I said we could go home but I needed him to sit in his car seat, I guess he really was keen to go home.

So if I want Gavin to cooperate in the car seat in future, I’ve got to make him so eager to get to the destination that he would happily sit in his car seat to get there.  Unfortunately, that’s a lot easier said than done.  Nevertheless, I’ve got to try because I’m running out of workable bribes for the car seat - we already have all the main characters from Thomas and Friends, so it is questionable whether he would still sit in the car seat even if we bought him more trains to use as bribes.

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After the previous two disasterous attempts to get Gavin into his carseat, I admit I had grave reservations about whether we were going to make it out to Bangsar Village to meet up with my friend C and her daughter C.  Nevertheless, I had to try, so I armed myself with my last train bribe - Toby - and preceded to get Gavin ready for the day. 

Much to my surprise, Gavin went straight into his carseat without uttering a single whimper of complaint!  What was even more surprising was that I didn’t bribe him at all!  Admitedly, the ride home didn’t go quite as well, but that’s another story altogether.  A cooperative Gavin who willingly allowed himself to be strapped into his carseat without complaint was such a major event that I nearly fell over in shock.

So let’s rewind to see what I did right that morning (although I suspect that it was largely due to the fact that Gavin happened to wake up on the right side of the bed for a change rather than it being anything I did right)…

We woke up, Gavin went to the toilet for a morning poop.  I gave him a quick shower and changed him, then let him amuse himself around the room while I got ready.  I asked him if he wanted to go to Playland to play and he said, “No.”  Then I said, “But Mummy wants to go.  Do you want to come with me?”  He agreed to come with me.

We went downstairs, and I made myself breakfast.  I didn’t give anything to Gavin except a couple of mouthfuls of “ice cream” (which was really Ski Divine yoghurt) because I was half contemplating on reserving the Milo bar for bribes in the car and didn’t want him to be too full to reject it.

I packed our stuff and moved it into the car - telling Gavin that I would be back to get him.  I tucked Toby into my pocket for easy access, left the Milo bar by the door handle, turned on the Baby Signing Time music CD and went to get Gavin. 

And that was it.  Really.  There was nothing special, nothing out of the ordinary.  I can’t think of anything else that I did that might have contributed to Gavin’s cooperation except that he was in an exceptionally good mood that morning.  The only other reason I could attribute the good behaviour to is possibly that Gavin did absorb some of what I had said on Monday about why I needed him to sit in his car seat - maybe.  The only way to confirm this theory is to take Gavin out again and sit him in his car seat.  Watch this space…

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After the terrible attempt to seat Gavin in his car seat last Friday, I had grave reservations about even attempting it come Monday this week.  Since I had already made plans with my friend to meet up with her and her daughter for a play gym session at Kidzsports, followed by lunch, I felt I had to at least try.

So how did it go?

While we got off to a bad start to the day when we woke up at 11:15am.  Now Gavin has not woken up so late in a very long time so it took me by surprise as well.  Ordinarily, he’ll wake up anywhere between 8:30-9:30am.

To be fair, we did go out quite late the night before.  We attended a friend’s birthday party at The Curve and didn’t come home until about 10:30pm.  However, Gavin was in bed and fast asleep by 11pm - not exactly unusual for him since there have been times when he has woken up late from an afternoon nap and not fallen asleep until 11pm-12am, and gone on to wake up at his regular hour of 9am the following morning.

Sears from The Successful Child Book also recommended that if you wanted full cooperation from your child on a busy morning, the tip is to go “slow”.  Well, slow was the last thing on my mind since we were supposed to meet my friend at 11am and we had only just woken up and perhaps that contributed to Gavin’s lack of cooperation in the car seat.

Deciding not to waste any time this time, I presented Gavin with Emily, the train - whom he hadn’t been allowed to play with since I took it back from him on Friday.  Perhaps it was a mistake to show him something that had been related to a previous traumatic incident or perhaps Emily had lost her charm since Gavin had already seen her last Friday, I can’t say for certain.  What was certain was that Emily wasn’t going to be enough to get Gavin to cooperate and sit in his chair.

On this day I did two things that I know are big “no-nos” when it comes to child car safety so please don’t comment to lecture me about - I already know.  I’m sharing this experience for the benefit of my self-analysis and in the hope that some other first time Mum might find the information useful.

Anyway, the first big “no-no” was that I moved Gavin’s car seat to the front passenger seat.  It must have been the novelty of sitting up front that got him, because Gavin didn’t protest when I strapped him into his car seat.  We got all the way to Bangsar Village without mishap and everything was great until it was time to leave.  Needless to say, Gavin refused to get back into the car seat and nothing I did would change his mind.

Ordinarily, if I can’t get Gavin to sit in his car seat to go home, I would just carry him around the mall until he fell asleep and then put him back into the car.  Since Gavin woke up at 11:15 that morning, it would mean hanging around the mall until at least 4pm (or maybe even later) before I would have had any hope of sending him to sleep for the car ride home.

Gavin used his regular stalling tactics and wanted to nurse, so I did.  Whenever he came off the breast, I would make to put him back into his car seat and he would then insist he wanted to nurse again.  I even tried forcing him into his car seat which failed miserably because he used the plank position - the one where he straightened his body rigidly so that his would slid right off the chair with any attempts to make him sit.  Honestly, if you have an answer to the plank position that isn’t violent, I’d love to hear it.  This was when I resorted to the second big “no-no” which is even worse than the first - I allowed Gavin to sit on the floor space in front of the front passenger seat.

It was interesting to note that Gavin knew I was extremely displeased with him because he sat very quietly and very still for most of the car ride home.  Whenever he made to get up, I would say “sit” and he would immediately sit back down.  Of course I gave him one heck of a lecture all the way home explaining why I needed him to sit in his car seat and why I was upset with him.  How much of it he took in, I won’t know but the fact that he was calm and listening to me was a good sign.

When we arrived back home, he made several attempts to hug me which I am pretty sure meant he was sorry.  I would soon find out how much of my lecture he took to heart the next time I took him out on my own but we’ll save that for a later post.  What I learned from Monday’s experience was this:

• I’ve said in previous posts that the optimum time to attempt to strap Gavin into his car seat is usually within 1-2 hours after he wakes up in the morning.  Well, I’m now suspecting that getting him to go from waking up straight into the car seat is probably not adviseable either.  I have a feeling he needs a warm up period and a little run around the house before being confined to the car seat.  This is just a hunch that is currently unproven.
• When in doubt about whether Gavin will cooperate and sit in his car seat, the best bribe is something new.  The novelty factor wins every time.  In this case, Emily was no longer a novelty because he had seen her the previous week - during a stressful period to boot.
• Gavin is slowly and gradually becoming teachable - he not only knows when I’m displeased with him but he nows seeks to gain back my approval (which I think was rather evident when he kept trying to hug me).  Further to this, I must add that Sunderland in The Science of Parenting warns us to be aware of such moments when a child is attempting to “mend the broken connection in the relationship”.  She recommends that parents respond with grace and acknowledge the child’s attempts to “make up” because a child in this state is most open with his feelings and most easily crushed by a harsh response.  Even if you are still angry, it is best to reply with a response such as, “I am still too angry with you to respond well to you right now, but I promise I will come and find you when I’m feeling better about things.”

Below: it isn’t a car seat, but a car mag sure helps keep Gavin in it long enough to complete his business.

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Last Friday, I made some rather last minute plans to catch up with my cousin and her kids while they were still in town.  They were headed back to Australia soon so that was really one of my last chances or meeting up.  They were planning to head over to KLCC for a shopping trip and we were supposed to meet up at about 12.

Ordinarily, if I’m going to take Gavin out on my own, I usually need to get him into the car within 1-2 hours after waking up in the morning or he’ll start to get cranky and difficult.  By the time we had decided to go to KLCC, it was approaching the dreaded 2-hour mark.  That was my first mistake.  I should have realised then that this was a special situation that was going to require extra creativity and I did but I was too arrogant, thinking I didn’t have to break out the new bribes and use them unnecessarily.

So instead of launching straight with some new bribes for Gavin, I tried to resort to old tricks that had worked well in the past.  Ideally, I should have just given him one of the new trains we had bought for him on the sly without him realising before strapping him into the carseat.  Instead, I stuffed around trying to offer him a Milo bar, giving him all his trains, distracting him with the balloon pump, etc.  Although they have worked in the past and might have worked with a Gavin in a better disposition, they did not work this time.  He howled and he cried and he gave me the plank position (where he straightens his body rigidly) so I couldn’t strap him into the carseat even by force because he kept sliding off. 

I finally brought out Emily (one of the new Thomas and Friends trains we bought) in desperation but it failed because Gavin had already formed such an intense aversion for the car seat that nothing could convince him to sit in it.  When I told him that he could only have Emily if he sat in his chair, he howled even more.  Gavin was not making any deals and he made it abundantly clear what he thought of my deal with his screams of frustration.

In the end, my MIL offered to drop us off at KLCC - I think she could no longer endure the sounds of her grandson in such distress.

Lessons learned:

1. Never ignore the gut feeling - it is rarely wrong.  Even if it is, it’s better to err on the side of caution rather than to go one step forward, three steps back.
2. When it comes to getting Gavin to do something he doesn’t like, novelty is the biggest factor for success - new bribes, new toys, new experiences work all the time.  Old tricks are a fifty-fifty bet to rely on if going out is not essential.

When people wonder why I’m so anal when it comes to managing Gavin sometimes, that’s because I’ve had to learn the hard way that making mistakes such as the one above can have lasting consequences which I would soon find out the next time I wanted to take him out alone again…

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My brother is coming to town this weekend meaning it was time to get the other house cleaned up so that it is livable.  My MIL graciously loaned me her maid on Wednesday and today to get it cleaned up, despite having worship to prepare for (it’s the Chinese ghost month).

As always, I feel a need to pick apart a difficult morning and analyse it minute to minute and wonder fruitlessly if there might have been anything I could have done differently to have made it somewhat better.  Please indulge me because when I went downstairs to discard our soiled clothes, I started to rant to my SIL2 and forgot to tell I just wanted her to listen to me and be patient with me with regards to not offering any advice.  You know how it is when you’re in that state where you’re not really ready to listen to anyone’s advice, but you just want to get something off your chest? (Sorry SIL2 - you did good, I just wasn’t ready to listen).

So what happened?

Gavin slept early last night and woke up at 6:30am this morning which was a little too early for us to get going to the other house.  If I’ve learned anything about my son, it is that the best time to get him to cooperate and sit in his carseat is if we leave the house within two hours of him waking up.  Since 8:30am is peak hour, I thought I’d try to get him to go back to sleep again for another hour or two.

Not a chance!  He’d already slept 11 hours straight so I guess he wasn’t in the mood to go back to sleep.  Got downstairs by about 8:45am and asked the maid to take her travel meds (she’s got motion sickness) so we could get going as soon as possible.  I knew we were already off to a bad start but I had to try.

I pre-empted Gavin about sitting in the carseat and he cooperatively nodded his head.  Good sign.  I went to get breakfast while we waited for my MIL to get back.  When I tried to change his clothes, he flat out refused to put on his diaper.  He wouldn’t wear his clothes either even though I had brought out his already snug fitting Mickey Mouse outfit he got for his first year birthday that I knew he liked to wear.  Bad sign. 

He was also rubbing his eyes.  Bad bad sign.

He was vaguely asking for milk.  Bad bad bad sign.

When my MIL came back, he cooperated a little to get the clothes on but by then he wasn’t in any mood to sit in the carseat.  We tried everything that had ever worked in the past:

• sang all manner of songs
• offered him books
• offered him toys
• offered him a lollipop
• got the maid to sit in the car first
• told him he was going to go “walk walk”

None of it worked.  He just got more hysterical the more we tried to put him into his carseat.  Finally, I gave up trying to get him to sit.  I figured my brother wasn’t that much of a clean freak anyway.  I’m sure he wouldn’t notice a bit of dirt here and there.

But by now Gavin was so geared up to go out, he didn’t want to go back into the house.  He cried when I tried to get him into the car, he cried when I tried to get him back into the house.

I knew what he wanted.  He wanted to go “walk walk”.  So I thought I would placate him with a walk around the garden.  But no, he wanted to get into the car and drive to one of those “faraway” places to “walk walk”.  And he wanted me to sit with him in the backseat and nurse him.

I explained to him that I couldn’t do that because who was going to drive the car?  I couldn’t get the maid to sit in the back with him because even with her meds, she was still very proned to motion sickness and especially so if she had to handle Gavin.  I couldn’t ask my MIL or my SIL2 to help because they were both busy.

I couldn’t placate him with a walk in the garden and I couldn’t convince him to get back into the house.  Finally he puked - all over himself and myself.

So I took him up to shower - which he didn’t want to either.  I finally convinced him to practice transferring water between his bowl and cup - currently his favourite passtime - and he relented.  Got him cleaned up, after which he was so tired, he fell asleep on the boob.

To be fair to Gavin, I know he wasn’t deliberately trying to be difficult.  He was getting tired and his patience was wearing thin.  There are times when a child is deliberately being difficult and there are times when he’s a slave to his passions.  This morning, it was definitely the latter.

In retrospect, I know there wasn’t anything I could have done differently (except not try to go out when I knew all the conditions were wrong - which is exactly what I would have done if I didn’t need to go over to the other house to get it clean).

Okay, it was still a difficult morning, but at least I’m convinced now that I didn’t totally mismanage the whole morning.  Thanks for listening.

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Okay, I’m a bad, bad Mum…

I bribed my son with a lollypop to get him to sit in his carseat.

But wait!  Before you brand me for the evils of my sins, you have to hear me out first.

I was taking Gavin and my Dad to have lunch with my 93 year old (or is it 94?) maternal grandfather.  He recently gave up his car so it meant he was pretty much homebound.  For a man who prides himself on his independence, this must have been a major blow for him.  Add the fact that he loves going out and it is almost like nailing the coffin shut.  He was clearly in desperate need for an outing.

Gavin was pretty good in the carseat until it was time to go home.  Dad drove us back to my other grandparents house and by that time, Gavin was clearly due for a nap and starting to get rather cranky.  He resisted my efforts to put him into the carseat for the final leg of our journey home.

I had two choices:

1. Force him into the carseat, endure his wails and let him vomit all the way home; or
2. Give him a chuppachup lolly pop and deal with his sugar buzz when we got home.

For obvious reasons, I elected option number two.

You would not believe how well behaved he was in the carseat.  There was not even a peep out of him all the way home.  He sat quietly in his carseat, licking his lollypop and looking at the passing scenery.  When we got home, he made no fuss to get out of the car.  In fact, I think he would have happily sat in the carseat for a some time more.

Admitedly, he woke up crying after his afternoon nap but at least I could console him.  Was it not a small price to pay for obedience in the carseat?

Even though I bribed him, I have to add that the following day, he sat in the carseat all the way home from 1Utama without fussing at all - AND he didn’t need the lollypop bribe, so I perhaps I haven’t yet created a nasty habit.  I’m still pondering how I managed to get such good behaviour all the way home, though.  If only he could sit like that every time…

Do you have a toddler that refuses to sit in the carseat?  What tricks do you use to get them to sit?  Please share them in the comments below.

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I saw a rather cute ad from Mothercare recently that goes like this:

MICHAEL’S RIGHTS RELATING TO BUGGY RIDES/CAR TRAVEL

• I reserve the right to go as stiff as a board as you attempt to strap me in.
• I reserve the right to become uncontrollably excited by dogs or cats.
• I reserve the right to cry non-stop then fall asleep the second we arrive.
• I reserve the right to hear my favourite music at full volume - on a loop.
• And I grant you the right to buy me a stylish, comfy, safe car seat and a perfect new pushchair from Mothercare.

I guess it just goes to show that if I thought I was one of the rare mothers who had to endure a toddler who refuses to sit in his pram or carseat, I can think again.  The hubby should also take note of this for the next time he compares Gavin against a child who sits or sleeps in his pram, because for every child that obediently sits, there is another who is just like Gavin.

That said, I figured it was time to dust off the old carseat and start making trips out with Gavin again.  I had stopped taking Gavin out on my own for a while because he was making too much of a fuss in his carseat and would often flat out refuse to sit, wailing and screaming whenever I tried to put him in.  Since our maid suffers from motion-sickness, I couldn’t really enlist her assistance either.

Although I am quite content to stay at home, my social butterfly son needs the freedom to move and new sights to explore.  And we all know that a toddler full of pent up energy who doesn’t get the opportunity to release it is like a box of dynamite waiting to go off at any moment.  So for the sake of sanity (both mine and Gavin’s) I felt it was time to figure out some new methods of getting Gavin to sit in his carseat long enough to get us to the shopping mall or wherever it is we want to go.

1. Morning, fairly soon after waking up, is the best time to put Gavin into his carseat because he’s more patient and usually in a good mood since he isn’t tired.  So usually, I’ll pack him off into the car soon after we grab a quick bite to eat.
2. Since music soothes the savage beast, making sure that his favourite music is playing before I try to get him into the car does wonders.  Alternatively, because he can understand words, I’ll repeatedly tell him, “We’re going kai-kai (translation: shopping).”  Gavin loves to go shopping so the word “kai-kai” has a rather soothing effect on him.
3. Using distraction tactics, I’ll make sure he has something in his hand that he likes.  For instance, recently, he’s rather taken to Meiji Yan Yan biscuits and Chupachup lollypops, so if I give him one to hold, he’s usually quite happy for at least a good 15 to 20 minutes.  If he’s hungry, he’ll be quite happy munching on a Yan Yan biscuit.

           
Ever since he saw the Chupachup stands near the checkout counters, he keeps pointing at it.  Thinking he wanted one to eat, my MIL bought him one.  Being the dentist, I wasn’t particularly keen on giving him sweets since all they are empty calories and they are bad for Gavin’s teeth.  Not wanting to deprive Ah Mah from the opportunity to spoil her grandson, I held back.  To our surprise (and my delight), he took one lick and decided he didn’t like it.  Even though he didn’t seem to like the taste, he would still insist on having a Chupachup to hold.  Since it kept him content, I started using Chupachups as a distraction object. 

Recently, he started putting the Chupachup in his mouth (with the wrapper on), so we opened one and gave it to him to try again.  Confident he would reject it again, I wasn’t at all worried.  Unfortunately, this time, he took to it - much to my displeasure.  Now I can’t give him a Chupachup without him handing it back to me so I can help him remove the wrapper.

Although most of our family members view offering sweets to Gavin as something of a treat, it makes me feel like such a bad Mum to allow him to eat such things.  I guess because I know they’re bad for him.  Unlike other treats like ice cream where I can console myself that he’s at least getting some calcium (albeit a fraction of what you would get from an equivalent portion of milk), there is absolutely nothing to be gained out of him eating a Chupachup.

4. I always make sure I bring lots of toys in the car for the journey so that there is something to offer him when he gets bored and starts to fuss.  Toys that make noise and have buttons he can press, or books, are usually the better toys to bring because they have a longer distraction value.  Although I have noticed that now that he’s older, he appears to tolerate the car ride out quite well.  At times he even seems content to just sit in his chair and look at the changing scenery.
5. The problem, I find, is not so much the car ride to the shopping mall.  It is usually the car ride home that Gavin can’t tolerate.  This is because all the factors are unfavourable - he’s usually not ready to go home and he’s tired so the last thing he wants to do is get into his carseat.  To manage this, I’ll stay at the shopping mall until he falls asleep in my arms.  Then I’ll wait 10 to 20 minutes to make sure he’s in deep sleep so I can put him into his carseat without him waking up.  That usually takes care of the journey home - no fuss, no crying, no stress.

The only downside to this method of handling the car ride home is that it doesn’t do anything to help him accept sitting in his carseat.  In dentistry, this would be the equivalent to putting a child under GA (general anaesthetic) to treat them, rather than working to modify his behaviour so he can handle receiving his dental treatment while conscious. 

At any rate, usually these tactics help to ensure a compliant child in the carseat and it means we get to go out rather than being cooped up indoors.

Below: Gavin playing with the cubby houses outside Toys ‘R’ Us in Midvalley Megamall.

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When I was pregnant with Gavin, I did a lot of parenting pre-reading to help me get “prepared” for motherhood once Gavin was born.  One of the things I read about was not allowing children to watch TV before the age of two.  Well, with the TV on most of the time, it wasn’t long before I caved in and relented to some TV watching.

Then recently, I received a Baby Center newsletter in my mailbox reiterating the negative effects of allowing young children to watch TV and it struck a twinge of guilt as I discovered that Gavin is not only watching TV under the age of 2, but he’s also watching far more TV (more than the recommended 1-2hours of TV a day) than is recommended even for an older child! 

I confess, I’m a bad, bad Mum.  It was just getting too easy to plonk Gavin down in front of the TV while I made breakfast.  Then recently, when my MIL’s maid went back to Indonesia for a break, we were left without a maid because the hubby and I terminated my maid’s contract early after we found ourselves too unhappy with her service to keep her on any longer.  Since there were now more household chores to attend to, I started using the TV even more to engage Gavin’s attention while I ran off to do the dishes, or the laundry, or whatever else I felt safe enough to do and keep half an eye on Gavin to make sure he didn’t get up to anything in the meantime.

Occasionally, when I was away for too long, Gavin would come looking for me, but even then he was watching a LOT of TV.  Mickey Mouse, Winnie the Pooh, Manny the Handyman, Little Einsteins, Noddy, Higgly Town Heroes, Thomas the Tank Engine, Johnny and the Sprites - heck, he’s watched them all!  I think it’s really bad when Mummy starts remembering the words to the songs as well (especially when you consider that I have a bad memory, you can only imagine how many times I must have heard them to know them by heart).

Times like these, I really wonder how our parents did it when we were kids.  I mean, TV wasn’t a big thing back then, and my Mum didn’t even have a full time maid.  There were periods of time when she didn’t have a maid at all.  Then again, she was working and she left us with the baby sitter so I guess that was the baby sitter’s job.

Since reading that article from Baby Center, I’ve become more aware of how much I turn on the TV.  I try to keep it off whenever I’m free to tend to him, but sometimes it’ll require a little bit of cunning on my part to turn it off because my wiser and ever more demanding son will point to the TV and squeal almost as if to say, “Hey!  Turn that back on!”  That, in itself, is already a bad sign of Gavin’s growing addiction to TV.

More than ever, I think it’s time to start taking Gavin to classes.  I’ve been contemplating Gymboree and the music classes they have on at Fitfor2, although I’ve yet to go and check them out.  Therein lies my other problem - the difficulties I’ve been facing getting Gavin into the carseat.  Sometimes I’m not sure if I’m ready (mentally) to deal with a fussy baby in the carseat because it can be a rather draining experience.

However, I did manage to take Gavin out to KLCC recently and was surprised when he allowed me to plonk him into his carseat without so much as a whimper of complaint.  I guess he missed all his toys that I usually kept in the car to entertain him since he hadn’t played with them in a long while.  I didn’t even need to use the new stash of books I kept up the front for an emergency distraction. 

When it was time to go home, he was happy to return to his carseat because he was holding a new toothbrush that I had bought for him.  I also placed some bread that I bought next to him before we set off.  During the ride home, he helped himself to a bun which kept him occupied all the way home.  He was even feeding himself little bits of bread by the time we got home, although he made a bit of a mess.  I reckon the clean up was worth it considering how well behaved he was.

I might try that one again on our next Mummy and baby trip out…

Below: the stoned look you see on Gavin’s face below could only be achieved by a favourite TV program.  That’s the only other reason that he would allow me to put the bumblebee hood onto his head without complaint.

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It has finally happened.

I was driving to my old house to get the place cleaned up before my parents came to visit.  My MIL’s maid was in the car with me and Gavin was buckled up in his carseat at the back.  I often find that he is more compliant sitting in the back seat on his own and is more likely to play up if someone else sits in the back with him. 

To keep an eye on him and make sure everything is okay, I have a suction mirror stuck to the windscreen next to my rearview mirror so I can occasionally check in on Gavin.  Imagine my surprise, during one my glances, when I saw him standing up in his car seat with the seatbelt around his legs!  My little Houndini has finally found a way to escape from his carseat!

This is exactly the reason why I feel that if I could go back in time and buy our carseat again, I would buy one with a built-in harness and not one that uses the car safety belt as the belt that holds your child in. The other thing I would look for in a carseat if I were to buy one now is to get one without a red button as the release clasp. Nothing screams “press me!” to a child louder than a red button.  Every kid knows that if they press the red button, something will happen.  My goddaughter learned fairly early on that the road to freedom from her carseat is won by pressing the red button.

Perhaps it’s time to go looking for another carseat…

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