Spending Time with Your Child Helps You Understand Your Child

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When I first discovered I was pregnant, and even after Gavin was born, I read a lot of books about parenting because I have always felt my parenting skills to be somewhat lacking.  I could never identify with people who spoke of parenting instincts because as far as I knew, I had none.  I often hear about how some mothers “just know” things about their kids and wondered how I would ever magically develop this skill of “just knowing”.

One of the books I read about natural infant hygiene (the art of potty training a baby) mentioned that being able to determine when your baby needed to use the potty was a combination of timing, reading non-verbal cues and instinct.  I remember completely ruling out using the instinct method for determining when Gavin needed to pee because when it came to anything related to parenting, instinct was one thing I didn’t think I had.

With Gavin at 20 months, I’m starting to understand just exactly what parent instinct is.  It hit me recently when Gavin flew into a tantrum after we got home from lunch.  We were in the car on the way home when Gavin wanted to nurse.  Realising he was getting tired, I figured I could put him down for a nap when we got home.  Unfortunately, when we arrived home, Gavin became distressed and didn’t want to get down from the car.  He kept insisting to continue nursing which baffled me at first.  I kept telling him he could continue nursing upstairs on his favourite Tweety mattress which usually worked like a charm, but that day it brought on a hail storm of tears.

As we got out of the car, I tried to take his shoes off and he screamed even louder.  Then it hit me – I realised he wanted to go shopping.  Earlier in the morning, my MIL and I had planned to go shopping before having lunch but when my FIL called home to tell us he would be joining us for lunch, we waited for him and went to lunch at a shop nearby the house.  Gavin, having been geared up to go shopping was extremely disappointed by the sudden change of plans and was distressed to find himself arriving home instead of a shopping mall.  After taking him back out to a nearby shopping mall, he was content to go home and get out of the car.

When it happens, it appears like a gut feeling – something you suspect or think – and it seems to come from nowhere, although I don’t believe it comes from nowhere.  I believe parent instinct is something every parent eventually develops with regards to their own child based on the sum of their experiences with their child.  For some parents, it develops more quickly, while others (like me) may be a little slower on the uptake.  Regardless of whether you are a parent from the former or latter category, the more time you spend with your child – playing and looking after him – the faster your “instincts” will develop.

I guess it is like anything else in life that we seek to master - the more time you spend practicing and working at it, the easier it becomes and the more you learn about it.  The general rule of thumb has always been that if you want to get better quickly, spend more time practicing.  Likewise, if you want to get inside your child’s head quickly, spend more time with him.

That is also why attached parents are the best judge of their children because they are the ones who spend the most time with them.  By virtue of that fact, it gives them an insight into their child that no one else gets.

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• Deciphering the Toddler Code
• 10 Benefits of Having Children
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• Managing a Headstrong Child with Positive Parenting
• The Importance of Bonding with Your Baby

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