I’ve noticed that there is a tendency to label a toddler as naughty even when he is just exhibiting characteristics that are normal for any developing child.  A toddler’s intense curiosity is a normal part of his drive to help him learn about the world around him.  Sometimes that intense curiosity drives him to do things that are annoying or irritating to us, especially when we’ve told him not to do it at least ten times before.  We then tell him off for being naughty when he isn’t trying to be naughty but when he’s just being a toddler who is curious to learn.

Before I go on, let me get one thing straight, this post isn’t about allowing a toddler to do whatever he fancies, it is about how you correct his behaviour.  For instance, toddlers are also intensely curious about plug points but that doesn’t mean we should allow them to stick their saliva-coated fingers into one.  Likewise there are things that a toddler will try to do that you should allow in order to help him develop his skills - like when he wants to pour water between his bowl and cup (if you don’t like the mess, get him to do it in the bath).  Or when he wants to climb the stairs but we can’t be bothered to follow him so we discourage him from doing so (yes, I’ve been guilty of this one) and then get annoyed with him when he insists on continuing.

To me, the definition of being naughty is when you specifically tell your child not to do something and then he looks you straight in the eye and does it defiantly.  However, this shouldn’t be confused with the times when a child does something you told him not to do yesterday.  Children have remarkably short memories and they do need constant reminders before they can remember not to do something in future.  For instance, I used to have to remind Gavin on a daily basis not to go near the plug points, but now I’ve noticed that he can play in an area near a plug point and remember that he isn’t supposed to touch it.

The problem with telling a child that he is naughty because he wants to open the kitchen drawers or climb the door frames (yes, I did that when I was a kid) is that you are squashing his instincts to learn.  There are things that are negotiable and then there are the actions that are not negotiable.  Obviously plug points and running onto the road are not negotiable.  In such instances, what you should do is teach him why you don’t want him to do it, for example, when it is dangerous.  Although he may not grasp the concept immediately, he will eventually learn why it is dangerous.   

With actions and activities that are negotiable, you can supervise his actions to make sure he doesn’t do anything that could hurt himself or damage your things.  It’s okay to say “no” when the timing is bad - for instance, when he wants to climb the stairs but you need to cook dinner - but it is important to let him know why he can’t do it right now.  At the end of the day, what you want to do is preserve your child’s curiosity to learn, at the same time setting firm boundaries that will help keep him (or others) safe from harm.

Nowadays, I try to dispense with the word “naughty”.  Instead, when he does something I don’t like, I tell him it is “not nice”.  Occasionally, the wrong word slips out (I think because it is so ingrained in me), but I’m getting better at it.  Similarly, I try not to say “clever boy” or “smart boy”, instead, I say “great job” or “good effort”.  The key is to focus on the actions and the behaviour rather than the child, regardless of whether you’re telling him off for doing the wrong thing or praising him for doing the right thing.

Popularity: 5% [?]