At 19 months old, Gavin’s eating habits are still somewhat questionable and recently, I’ve been receiving some heat for it.  Although he is a healthy weight and growing well, there is still a lot of concern about the fact that he doesn’t seem as interested in food as other children his age.  Let me qualify that - other children we know who are his age.

As I’ve said before, in a Chinese family, food is love - we live to eat.  The idea that a child does not like to eat deals a crushing blow and strikes fear in the heart of all those who love him.  So naturally, there are a number of people up in arms over Gavin’s lack of interest in food.  In fact, this has been a persisting issue since he started solids at six months.

Quite honestly, I feel I have tried everything I can think of.  I have also read quite extensively on toddlers who won’t eat and the advice is the same everywhere - keep offering food and try to relax.  The more anxious you are about your toddler not eating, the more likely he is to continue this pattern.  It has taken me a while to relax and just when I have started to accept my son’s eating habits, I have been accused of not trying to correct his behaviour or researching how this might be done.

I really don’t know what else I can do to encourage Gavin to eat besides forcing his mouth open and shoveling food in there and for obvious reasons, I won’t do that.  Neither will I resort to threatening him to eat.  I have heard of a mother who spanks her daughter with a cane if she refuses to eat - and I fail to see the logic behind that.  She’s just increasing the negative association that her daughter has with food.

So let’s break it down and take a look at the problem:

Gavin is 19 months old and he has eight teeth.  I’ve noticed that he tends to go off food especially when he’s sick or when he’s teething.  Since he still has quite a number of teeth to erupt, I guess it’s safe to say that the eating patterns aren’t going to improve on their own in the near future.

The times when he’s eaten well, the foods he ate were - cheese, bread, cereals, biscuits, noodles, ice cream, hot chocolate, soup, congee and rice.  However, none of these foods have consistently been a real hit with Gavin except the hot chocolate and the ice cream.  The fact that he eats ice cream with such gusto suggests to me that he doesn’t have a problem with eating but that he is just very selective about his food choices (not unlike someone we all know).  It’s just unfortunate that ice cream is hardly a staple food that we can offer him on a regular basis.

We have also noticed that Gavin eats a lot better when he is in the company of other children.  Perhaps it is the influence, perhaps it is the fear that all his food will be eaten, he seems to be more interested to eat when his friends are eating.  Aside from encouraging more outings with friends with kids, there’s probably not much else we can do about this until Gavin gets another sibling.

Other reasons for not wanting to eat - snacking too much, or consuming too much fluids.  I’ve noticed that we tend to feed him a snack after his afternoon nap - anywhere between 4pm to 5pm.  It may be a biscuit, it may be bits of bah kwa (dried sweet meat) and it can be with juice or chocolate milk.  Perhaps in our concern to make sure he eats, we have developed a habit of giving him too many snacks.  One way to keep track of how much he’s eating is to keep a food diary.

Sure, sometimes it isn’t the snacks.  Sometimes he just doesn’t like what’s offered at dinner and chooses not to eat.  So maybe what we need to do is have a consistent back-up to feed him in the event that he doesn’t like what is served at dinner.  And maybe what we need to do is take better note of the foods that he does enjoy eating and make sure we cook them more often?

You might have noticed that I have used the term “selective feeder” instead of “fussy eater” to give it a more positive spin.  They say that negative labels tend to be a self-fulfilling prophecy, such as calling a child naughty, so I’ve decided to remove this one by referring to my son as a “selective feeder”.  He’s not picky, he just knows what he wants.

If you have any other suggestions at all on feeding a selective feeder, feel free to post them in the comments below. 

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