I first attempted to use Toddlerese on Gavin when he was about 9 months old.  Although the book, The Happiest Toddler on the BLock, is intended to be used on children from age 1-4, I was told that it can be used from 9 months onwards.  I even bought the DVD just so I could watch Harvey Karp, the master, in action to get the technique right.  My attempts to use Toddlerese produced somewhat mediocre results so I gave up on the technique until recently.

I’m not even sure why I started using it again.  It was just one of those flashes of inspiration that come when you least expect it.  Gavin was in the shower, and as usual, he was refusing to come out.  I knew that if I snatched him up and took him out of the shower, he would immediately arche his back and scream the house down. 

Ordinarily, I would have waited until he was ready to come out of the shower, or I would have forcibly dragged him out against his will when I didn’t have the time to be patient.  On that day, when I told him it was time to come out, he immediately threw his head back and started to protest even before I had attempted to pick him up.

I said, “Gavin want to play water?  Play water?  Play water?”  I accompanied my words with the sign for “play” and “water”. 

Gavin stopped protesting and looked at me in surprise.  There was an almost imperceptible nod as he agreed with what I was saying. 

I continued, “You want to play water.  You say, ‘play water, play water, play water.’  Mummy says, ‘later, okay? We have to go out now.’  Does Gavin want to go kai kai?  Does Gavin want to go kai kai?” (”kai kai” translates to “shopping”)

Gavin nodded.  Then I picked him up and took him out of the shower without further ado.

I have since used Toddlerese on other occasions with pretty pleasing results.  I think the major difference between using Toddlerese now and some months back is that Gavin understands what I am saying to him now.  In the earlier months, there was probably still some confusion as to what I was saying and he probably wasn’t sure if I understood what he wanted to do.

Toddlerese is supposed to help your toddler understand that you know what he wants to do and you acknowledge that he wants to do it.  Once he realises that you understand him and where he’s coming from, he is more willing to listen to what you want him to do.

Here are three tricks I’ve learned on how to get Toddlerese working for me:

• There are two parts to Toddlerese: the first is to make sure your toddler knows you know what he wants to do.  The second is to tell him what you want him to do, distract him, or change course through whatever means possible.  I never launch into the second step until he’s completely quiet and listening to me.  If he begins to protest again, I revert back to the first step - repeating what I think he wants to do, using words I think he would say if he knew how.
• When I tell him what I want him to do, I always make sure there is something in it for him that he likes.  For instance, I want him to get out of the shower, but I also know he likes to go shopping, so I tell him, “let’s get out of the shower so we can go shopping,” or, “let’s go upstairs to bathe then watch Baby Signing Time.”
• When I can remember, I’ll use Toddlerese even before he protests - especially when I am about to do something I know he won’t like, like taking him out of the bath, or sending him to sleep.

There are still a couple of situations for which I have yet to perfect my use of Toddlerese:

• Getting Gavin to sit in the car seat when he’s already in a crabby mood.
• Getting Gavin to go to sleep when he’s already lost it.

I’ll let you know when I get that part of the formula right.  For now, I’m just glad that Toddlerese has managed to help me stave off some of Gavin’s impending tantrums.

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