When your baby or toddler gets hurt, especially with your first child, there’s often a lot of finger pointing regarding who is to blame. Most often, it is the person who was supposed to be keeping an eye on the baby who is the one that cops the blame. Heated accusations are often heard above the baby’s loud wails, “Why weren’t you watching the baby?”
And that is the point of my post.
Sometimes, when baby gets hurt, it isn’t due to the negligence of the “watcher”. Sometimes baby gets hurt even though the “watcher” was watching.
Even if the watcher had been momentarily distracted, pointing fingers and making everyone feel crummy isn’t going to help baby.
What is important is to make sure that baby is okay and does not require medical attention. After that has been ascertained, giving baby the due attention and comfort necessary to halt the tears is important for baby’s emotional well-being. After all, if you got hurt, would you like it if everyone was too busy arguing about whose fault it was instead of paying any attention to you? I didn’t think so.
Toddlers will be toddlers. Bumps and scrapes are a natural part of their lives just as breathing is. Bumps and scrapes are the results of the mistakes a toddler makes while on the journey toward mastery of certain tasks and actions. They are an inevitable part of the process of learning.
For instance, today, Gavin learned how to feed himself liquids from a cup without my aid to help him control the angle of the cup. Initially he over-tipped the cup and spilled water down his front. In his subsequent attempts, he was able to self-feed without spilling.
Mistakes are a necessary part of learning. Our job as parents is to make sure they aren’t dangerous mistakes and to be there to provide help and comfort in the wake of a mistake.
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I agree 100% with your post. You can only do your best but kids will be kids and they will get their fair share of bumps and scrapes. I asked friends of mine how they coped with their first-born, a robust little boy who sported bruise after bruise. They told me their focus was to stop him from fussing too much and to teach him not to do it again. So instead of screaming at each other when he banged his head on the tv console, they would direct it at the console, slapping it and going, “Bad console!” and then comfort their boy. It seemed to work wonders because his tears would stop quickly and I observed him being more careful when he came round to the bit where he’d banged his head. I think I’ll give it a try when my little boy starts bumping into stuff.
I totally agree! Gavin is usually a lot more careful after a bump and bruise - like the time he slipped on a bit of water on the floor. The next day, he bent down to touch the floor to check if it was wet.
Now when I say, “Gavin! Careful! Wet floor!” He’ll move more cautiously or he’ll kneel down to touch the floor to check which parts are wet.
I think I gotta try the “bad console” comfort routine - thanks for sharing!