Of late I have been finding it quite disturbing that Gavin seems to show a rather strong attachment to our maid. Now that fact alone would be little cause for concern if he didn’t prefer the maid over his grandparents.
I have heard of situations when children prefer the maid purely because the maid has served as their nanny or primary caregiver, however, I have always made sure I provide the role of primary caregiver. I bathe him, change his diapers, feed him and play with him. I rarely leave him in the company of the maid unless I have other more pressing matters to attend to and even then I am usually only just in the next room. As I would expect, my close and constant contact with Gavin cements my bond with him and the only times he has ever rejected me is when he knows I am about to send him to bed or put a stop to his fun.
However, it is not my relationship with Gavin that bothers me of late, but rather Gavin’s affinity for the maid over his family members. I cringe with the fact that my son has learned to call the maid but remains unable to address his grandparents. It also bothers me that Gavin would rather be carried by the maid than by his grandfather.
I know that part of Gavin’s affinity for the maid is due to some of the following reasons:
- the maid never tells him off
- the maid accommodates his every whim (which is another reason why I prefer to minimise Gavin’s contact time with the maid less she undoes the discipline we are trying to instill in Gavin)
- the maid takes every opportunity she gets to play with him not because we ask her to but because she wants to (she is truly very fond of Gavin for which I am grateful because I hear too many stories of abusive maids)
Even so, I found it difficult to understand the marked contrast between his eagerness to greet the maid and unwillingness to acknowledge his grandparents.
And then I discovered that he generally preferred the hired help - not just the ones he knew. For instance, when he was at my grandparents’ house, he paid rather little attention to my grandparents and my aunt, but was keen to follow their maid around the house. Likewise, at my uncle’s house, he kept gravitating over to observe her cleaning the house.
Not only is he more interested in the hire help, but he also seems to willingly allow all these strangers to carry him but refuse whenever one of our relatives wants to carry him. Now that’s really got my knickers in a knot because he could so easily be kidnapped.
The interesting thing is that it isn’t just Gavin who likes the hired help, but his god sister had also been rather partial towards them. So what is it about the hired help that draws children to them? I’m keen to hear any theories that anyone has because it’s certainly got me puzzled.
I’m also running out of ideas on how to get Gavin to show more interest in his grandparents (aside from banning the maid from playing with him which seems a little harsh on the maid who hasn’t really done anything wrong - although I have reduced her contact time with him in hopes of reducing Gavin’s incessant uttering of her name which is clearly annoying my MIL). Anyone got any suggestions?
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And I get to buy toys indiscriminately on the pretext of getting them for Jack! lol!
Ah I think it is because the young ladies always give the kiddies good clean fun without any harsh words or reprimands of being naughty.
Jack loves my bro’s domestic helper too cos she used to play with him a lot. But less so with the others who don’t.
Do Gav’s grandparents play a lot with him? Kids that age lean towards those who spend a lot of time playing with them and giving them a lot of attention so gravitating towards the maids is quite normal.
There seems a priority of importance to the people in Jack’s life and I noticed it varies according to who gives him undivided attention, fun, and affection. I think in general the helpers are really sweet with the kids and that’s why they gravitate to them, especially if they have played with many of them in their brief lives.
In terms of priority, it is me, his Dad, Grandpop (who comes over to play with him almost every day), Grandma (who gives love and comfort), his great Godpa, great Godma, et all. I noticed he adores his great Godpa more than Godma cos he carries him and plays with him all the time.
Of course this is when we’re all out or at home or at my parents’ (who kindly adhered since day one about the no-TV on policy). Unfortunately at my brother’s place where we are right now, the TV is on all the time, so when we’re there, all the men ignore him and Mom is on the computer. :p So Grandma gets special priority. Jack isn’t too interested in the TV. More in his cousin’s toys. Good thing too cos she is too absorbed with TV to notice. :p
Not a good thing really. Sigh… I am glad we have no TV at home anymore. It really has helped Jack bond with his Dad (who would otherwise be watching telly and ignoring his son all the time) and his grandparents and me! We had such a TV culture before he was born, I am surprised how well we adapted without it.
Kids bond easily with many people and it is normal for them to be fond of their playmates. Don’t worry. It is a good thing that he adores her.
She’ll be a good female role model for him, aside from yourself, showing kindness and love. 
My MIL and FIL do play with him, but I think the maid plays with him more which is probably why he seems to prefer her. But lately, my MIL has been making a concerted effort to play with him more so he seems to be warming up to her again.
I think you’re right. When the maid was away for her homeleave, Gavin was very close with my MIL because she spent more time with him then. My MIL also spends more time with Gavin than my FIL and it is quite evident that he prefers Ah Mah over Ah Kong because of it.
I really gotta admire you. I wanted to do the “no TV” until two years old but failed miserably. I’ve never really been a TV person. Still not really one. I like watching movies but I can get by without it. I guess because I have a lot of other things I enjoy doing, like reading and writing, and back in the old days - climbing. Didn’t really leave much time for TV after all that.
Unfortunately, for my FIL, TV is really his only pass time at home (unless he’s cleaning the pond) so that’s why it’s on a lot of the time. But the good thing is that Gavin doesn’t seem all that interested in the TV if he can have human interaction or if someone is cooking in the kitchen. He clearly prefers doing stuff than watching TV, although he has developed a habit of asking for the TV to be turned on.
I think I just need to find more activities to engage him in…
Hi…how do you do? I’m Maid. Indonesian maid. I take care a girl, now she is 10 years old. I can said, that I take care her very well, and I’m succes with it. I’m sure you couldn’t find 10 years old girl, who can keep living room tidy and cleans before go to play ground, but she is. She did it since she was 8 years old…
And my Maam..happy with it…, she never praise me but I know she..like it…
But I like your article…
Thanks..
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C U there…
Thanks for visitng, Lutfist. Sounds like you’ve done a great job with your Ma’am’s daughter. Well done.
I’m glad you enjoyed this article and good to see you blogging. Keep it up!