A Lesson in Discipline

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I took Gavin to visit his friend Max today.  Gavin took to Max just the way an older brother might do for a younger brother, even patting him affectionately on the head.  I was proud.  Until he tried to pull Max’s hair while I was taking a photo of the two of them together…

Instinctively I said, “Gavin!  Don’t!  Don’t be naughty!”  And I lightly tapped his wrist.  It wasn’t until SM said, “Oh it’s okay.  He doesn’t understand,” that I came to my senses and realised that I was wrong.  Gavin was just being what any eight month old baby would be – curious.  He wanted to touch Max’s head and he wanted to pull his hair just like he pulls my hair on countless occasions.  He didn’t know it was wrong and that it would hurt Max.

Over the course of the last few weeks, the hubby and I have been talking about discipline and whether we would smack Gavin when the time came.  I was against the idea, wanting to try non-physical discipline first.  Yet, I can’t explain why I did what I did earlier today.  I did it without thinking.  I feel awful.  I’m sure if Gavin had been older, I probably would have rapped his wrist harder instead of a light tap and yet it’s not how I want to discipline Gavin.  I want him to understand the consequences of his actions and to learn respect and responsibility. I do not want him to fear me.

Yesterday when I was at Pantai waiting to see Dr Lam, I saw a man with a young toddler running around the room.  The toddler stood next to a table with some books on it.  He had his hand up in mid-reach about to touch the books.  I saw the father behind him holding his hand up in the air in readiness to slap his son’s hand if it so much as laid a finger on the books.  There was no word of warning, nothing.  Just a readiness to slap. 

I remember thinking to myself that that was not how I wanted it to be like with Gavin.  And yet, when I was put to the test, I failed.  Here I was thinking I would never hit my own child, but I did.  The only consolation was that it was more like a tap on the hand.  But it still doesn’t change the fact that I had used physical discipline – something I said I would never do.  It makes me wonder what would happened if the situation had been different and Gavin had made me angry – would I have hit him harder?

Today’s lesson wasn’t Gavin’s lesson.  It was mine.  I can only hope and pray that when the time comes I will have the level-headedness to handle the situation calmly and appropriately.

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• The Discipline Armoury: Tip 11 – Positive Words
• Discipline – Can it Work Without Smacking?
• The Discipline Armoury: Tip 12 – When/Then, Now/Later, You May/After You
• The Discipline Armoury: Tip 10 – Eye to Eye Discussions
• 2 Important Lessons from Parenting

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